Transformers, not as great as you may remember

My apologies for my hiatus last month. You see, last month my class was Game Design and Development Analysis, which was an examination of videos and media in a very dissected manner. In short, my entire class consists of writing games reviews for a month straight. For once, I had a class that made writing game reviews or any reviews a form of graded torture. Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but it definitely restricted my free time of playing the games let alone speaking of them.

So, onward and upward, my first thoughts to be posted in a while is that American animation have become stagnated. Don’t get me wrong I love and watch The Simpsons on a regular and almost sadistic basis; the reason is because I find it hilarious and all shows lately seem to be a copy of it. South Park deserves honorable mention for keeping the ideas fresh while maintain their rooted animation style and Archer, well, the dialogue in Archer is the glue that holds the show together, and Jon H. Benjamin is awesome for this role. But when it comes to pure hand-drawn, fluid animation, well, the last thing I have seen that was any sort of good was the Secret of Kells, and the story for that felt only ok for me.

I believe I have made it no secret that I love Anime. Yes, pure Japanese Animation, preferably with subtitles and the original Japanese voice actor’s voices. Not bad anime, either, that good stuff. I realize when I say anime, the first thought that comes to many American’s minds are Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon, and Bleach (shudder). That seems likely, since those are those are the most prevalent ones on TV. The stuff I am talking about though is Neon Genesis Evangelion, FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Cowboy Bebop, Outlaw Star, Gundam Wing, and to a lesser extent even Trigun. You know what these series have? Hand-drawn animation with fluid action scenes and most of all, deep, emotionally involving storylines and mythic stories that force that continuously capture my imagination.

Today though, kids, we are talking about Two specific animated shows: Transformers and Robotech. Ok, that’s kind of a lie, not Robotech but Macross, if one was to be proper. Let me explain…
The Robotech series is an amalgam of 3 separate anime series, because for some reason the standard anime length of 26 episodes was not enough for syndication in the USA. So, we have Macross, Calvary Southern Cross, and Genesis Climber MOSPEADA all shoehorned into one saga. On paper, I’m sure this made a ton of sense, but in practice, it was dumb as hell, as far I thought. The only one worth watching is the first 36 episodes, known as Macross. Ok, on to Transformers.

Transformers is a Saturday Morning Sci-fi cartoon about two robot races in a civil war with each other over, I dunno, dominance? Transformers seems more relative a series to the US public, so my explanation will end at, they are robots on earth, in disguise, and can transform into vehicles, animals, or dinosaurs, depending on circumstances. They fight the Decepticons, who are essentially the same thing except evil. Classic good vs. evil story with transforming robots, which was based on a toy line that did the same.

And you know what, Macross is light –years better, and somehow gets lees attention. Macross is the story f humans finding some kind of otherworldly huge space battleship that crash lands on an island. No aliens are present, so the humans reverse engineer the technology to re-fit the battleship. The also create Valkyrie jets, which are based off of the real F-14 Tomcats, and they can also transform. They all transforms in giant gun wielding mecha, or a halfway between the design called Gerwalk/Guardian modes. So, the original aliens that where chasing this giant battleship warp in and begin attacking Earth. Series= Start.


What makes Macross better? The mecha designs for one. Look at these pictures of Optimus Prime pre and post transformation:

And now look at the transformation scheme of a Valkyrie from Fighter to Gerwalk to Battroid mode:

Look at the transformation of the Valkeyrie! The thrusters become the machs “legs”. The cockpit of the fighter eventually becomes covered by a large armor plating for the pilot. Even the gun pod has a definite place where it came from, the under carriage of the fighter. What about Optimus? How about that trailer behind him? Gone. You see, in the series of Transformer’s, even n the recent movies, Optimus’ trailer disappeared into thin air. It sometimes even appeared when he transformed right back on him. That is what I am getting at here. Please, even if you have profound nostalgia of watching the show, I implore to go watch Generation One (1984-1991) of Transformers. Seriously, it plays regularly on a Disney channel called Hub. My wife and I watch it sometimes and you know what? We laugh our asses off! The show’s premise revolves around jokes only a ten year old could laugh at, and the mythology involved with the show was a constant back and forth of Autbots and Decipticons barking and shooting at each other, with very little effect to one another. Macross? Go watch Macross on Netflix (remember, the first 36 episodes of Robotech). Do yourself a favor; don’t get attached to any characters either.


OK: Spoiler warning here: Since the series is pushing 30 years old, I am going to make some parallels here. Three-fourths through Macross, Earth is destroyed. And I don’t mean that in some sort of metaphorically way. I mean every 90% of the entire human race and most of the flora and fauna was completely and utterly destroyed. Even when the SDF-1 Macross (the name of that there battleship) destroys the entire alien race orbiting Earth, the return to Earth as the most somber thing. I have ever seen in a cartoon.

What did Transformer’s have that Macross didn’t have? Umm….more characters and model designs. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Transformers growing up and cold think of nothing better. But seriously, my problem is Transformers get so much more attention because it was based off a popular toy line. Macross had toys, but they were nowhere near as popular in this country as opposed to Japan.


I want a proper Macross Movie I am tired of this:

What in the hell is that even? I asked my wife, who had a teacher in one of her compter animation classes that assisted in making the first Transformer's movie (plug: Full Sail doesn't f**k around when it comes to staffing). You know how that thing up there becomes a robot to a jet? In short, it technically DOESN'T!!! Watch the new version of Starscream transform, then do it in slow motion. Some of a Transformers' mass is purposefully hidden because the mecha design is so complex that it technically doesn't make sense. The story is just not there, even by the cartoon's standards. The story of both movies revolve around Shia LeBouf life and how he coups with giant robots living in his world. That's crap. The cartoons where about civil war between two completely dissenting groups and Earth just happens to be a new battlefield.

So yes, I want a Macross movie, because Macross has a very simple story laid out. F-14 Tomcats Jets (or retcon them to F-22 Raptors, like the Starscream, I don't care) that turn into mecha fighting an alien force bent on destroying Earth, for no better reason than they are afraid of the effect of human culture on their military super machine. BOOM! Make that crap! The movie writes itself!

So, if anyone from Hollywood is looking to make a retreaded Saturday morning cartoon movie in live action, as seems to be the trend so far, then somebody get on that yesterday. Here are the facts of Saturday Morning Cartoon remakes I stand behind:

-I don't want a Thundercats movie. Thundercats sucked. It always did.
-I don't want a Master's of the Universe Movie. I mean, really, do you really want a damn Heman movie? We got one of those in the 80's. It wasn't good then, it's wouldn't be better now.
-We already got a G.I. Joe movie. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but I am so glad i didn't pay for movie tickets to see it.
-We already have FOUR Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles movies. That'll be quite enough, thank you.


Now yes, I know Transformers was anime, it being animated in Japan, but every thing else about it (writing, production) was US made, which might explain the overall episode to episode story being bad. But Macross, genius....
Please writers and directors, stop looking in this countries past for material and looks toward the East for much more powerful stuff. Macross predates Transformers by even two years, and for my money, I would rather say the trailers alone for this movie would attract more people to it than Dark of the Moon.

Rolls, slow em.

I have like 4 other blogs waiting in the wings, so if you missed me well we're back.
(Portal 2, Mortal Kombat, Conduit 2... just look, a bunch of stuff came out this week, SORRY).

Phone rings.
Me- Gamestore blah blah
Caller- Yeah, I just beat Portal 2, and I want to sell it.
Me- Did you do everything in it? Like time challenges and co-op?
Caller- Nah, I just did the single player.
Me- Did you like it?
Caller-  it was alright. I got stuck a few times but there was a youtube video for it.
Me- Well, you'd get $____ for it.
Caller- That's it? I really wanted to finish it so I could sell it early and get my moneys worth for it.
Me- Yep.
Caller- So you're sayin if I beat a $60 game in like 8 hours I won't get my moneys worth?
Me- Well there are a ton of other things to do in the game, and some DLC stuff coming out soon
Caller- Seems like a waste of money, just sayin.
*click*

Ok, well sir. What I avoided saying was that you haven't actually gotten your moneys worth out of the game. Here's why-

1. A $60 game usually gives you a decent single player story, some multiplay, and a few extra challenges.
2. That same game, when sold back within the first week of it's arrival, will fetch you about $20-$30 clams. So you'll get about half your money back.
3. The gaming companies don't want you to sell it right away, for 2 reasons.
    A. They won't make money on the pre-owned game
    B. They want you to continue buying their games, and mostly A.
4. There's almost always a future DLC.

So no, you probably won't get your full $60 experience after beating the single player. But a game is meant to be kept and enjoyed, until you get your full experience out of it. Now I'm not telling you to be a trophy/achievement whore, I'm just sayin a full playthrough is good, but most games full playthroughs aren't "full", you get me?

I still have Fallout: New Vegas, Dragon Age 2, Metro 2033, Sabetour, Red Dead. Just to name a few. These are games that I've stopped playing, maybe finished the single player storyline, but that's it. I'm either waiting for more DLC, or waiting until one day I sit down and play it until I think I've accomplished every realistic goal in the game.

Had a kid the other day ask when they would come out with the GOTY Fallout: New Vegas. I told him "when it wins GOTY". He was frustrated that he hadn't gotten to play it yet, and wanted to wait until all of the expansions. Look kid..... its $18, buy it now.

Borderlands GOTY, it's $19. I played through the single player once, but now it comes with expansions. So fine... I'll buy it again.

The point? It's fine if you buy a game brand new, and keep it for a while. If you sell it the same week it came out, you won't be happy at the lack of return moneys you get, you'll be mad if the game releases DLC (which they usually wait a few months to do so) and you might go back to liking it. Now don't pull a me, and have a giant 40+ stack of games you'll "get back to eventually", that just won't happen. I sold my Marvel V Capcom once I knew I did everything I was capable, but it wasn't the week after, that's for sure.

Moral of the story, keep the game around. Don't try to finish it the week of. You actually don't get "first finished" achievements. It's like the midnight launch parties on the west coast... you do know that in the east coa...nevermind.

Restrictive Gaming can be fun!

So two different gamers came across my path this last week. One was a guy who was instructed by his doctor that if he played another FPS he could die from the seizures it could cause. The other was an 11yr old boy who's religion forbids violence, especially in video games.

Both came to me asking what they should do now. I usually get recommended for the job thanks to my sadly terrifying knowledge of video games. A challenge? I'm there. Lemme give you a little run-down as to the situations.

The first guy has epilepsy. Which right off the bat has got to suck. He brought back COD:Black Ops and told me that it caused him to have a seizure, a bad one. The doctor told him he couldn't play anything with bright flashes of light anymore. He'd played all of the other COD games, the Battlefield games, but for some reason, COD:BO affected him differently. (Yet another reason why Black Ops sucks).

So he said "great, now I can only play sports games". Not so pal. There's a huge world of possibilities out there. So I started to show him all of the different games that don't have screen filling flashes of light (apparently when the whole screen goes, that's when the trouble starts). Now sure, FPS games are fun, and they don't compare easily to any other game, but your gaming future isn't over when they are kept from you! He'd played GTA before, and liked it, but it wasn't his favorite, he liked the open world feeling, but wasn't too keen on the vague mission directives (which actually makes sense, the open world is awesome, but going through the game can be complicated). Now get this, he'd never played Assassin's Creed, and obviously never played Saboteur. So we got him set up with a list of games to try. Not a single one was an FPS, but they all were solid games. Mass Effect, Dirt 2, Tomb Raider: Underworld, Assassin's Creed 2, Skate 2, and Tropico. We also wrote down a list of ways to reduce the screen flashing on most things using the settings on the tv. (It's totally possible, it makes the screen a bit darker and the colors a little duller, but it keeps you from having seizures... soo... that works.)

Now what got me about this was here's this guy who'd only played FPS games, only played shooters, and figured that's all there really was out there. I think my strong hatred of the COD craze is simply because it deludes people into thinking that that's all there is. COD and Madden. Not so at all.

So with the lists in hand, and the knowledge of where to look for the Epilepsy warning on video games. (bottom left corner on the back, not every game has it BTW), he left feeling a little better about being able to continue his gaming lifestyle. Sure he won't have the fast paced shooting anymore, but there's a huge world out there!

Few days later comes in this kid. Polite as can be, and very well-spoken. I simply had to ask how old he was, 11? Get out of town. You're gonna do alright kid. He told me his religion didn't allow him to play violent video games, but not just that, he was opposed to them. Wha? Let's chat. Turns out he found blood and gore to be offensive and sort of stupid to add to games to make them more interesting. Instantly I felt like some sort of huckster, selling gore and sex to children hungry for it. And here was this kid, hardly exposed to the world and yet he completely understood the sex-driven society we live in. So he tells me he loves Lost Planet 1 & 2 and every time he comes into a gaming store, he asks if there are games like it. The games can't have human on human violence, but alien violence is ok as long as there isn't too much gore, and it can't be M rated. He didn't have a problem with the M rating, but his parents did. He said he understood that the M rating increased sales, and made offers of sexual references and maybe even nudity that would help sell the game.

gtfo kid. You're a smart one. Ok ok, a game like Lost Planet, but T rated and fun. First thing that came to mind, Ghostbusters. I must have played that game 5 times straight through. Same control scheme, T rating, and a decent amount of re-playability. "Nah, that's a kids game". Well... you can't blame the mature 11yr old for wanting mature games. Well here was the problem, most games that are set like Lost Planet are M rated, or things like Monster Hunter. He was well aware that sex and blood sells, and knew it was a tough question. So I started throwing out good T rated games.

Batman, Majin, Enslaved. Every game he'd either played and not liked or wasn't like Lost Planet. Oooooohhh, I get it now. So I asked him "was Lost Planet the first video game you played?". Yep.

You always long for your first. Why do you think I'm so particular and protective of Zelda games?

Well this puts a wrench in the gears, that's when I saw it. Iron Man. It was going to be a long shot, and depending on his religious views possibly horribly offensive. "What about Iron Man?". He asked if they were any good, and honestly, they are! It's one of the few decent superhero games out there. (Find me a good Superman game, I'm just sayin). I told him it was pretty good, he tells me he loves Iron Man and that was that.

Few weeks ago a guy came in, this was about 2 or 3 days after Crysis 2 came out. The guy said "my kid doesn't like it, says it's boring". I say "lemme guess, he LOVES Call of Duty Black Ops?" .... the guy- "how'd you know?"... a lucky guess. Turns out the dad thought Crysis looked pretty good and had a decent storyline, but didn't have an Xbox of his own.... yet.

What's this all mean? Well, that video games are quickly becoming an organic being. They aren't just the standard set anymore. AR Games, 3D games, Farmville and others show that "video game" is a label that is quickly changing with the times. For some, it's a medical condition that prevents them from playing certain games, for others it's a religious belief, and even for some it's just plain ignorance. But whatever the restriction might be, there's a game for that. If you don't have good hand-eye coordination, there are games that just track your body, don't have the ability to read? There are games for that. There's a regular customer I have who's completely paralyzed from the neck down. He can still play Tom Clancy's End War, Empires, and WoW. Basically, there's a game for anyone.

Crysis Too. This time, it's not Crysis 1.

And yes, there are times when you will have to jump.


Crysis 2. A story of a love-hate relationship. By me.

The first Crysis came out, and I actually did have a rig that could run it sweetly. An Alienware will do that for you. A heavily modified Alienware. Here's the problem, the game was average at best. Sure it looked good, but a good looking game can actually be a distraction. God Of War for example. Guitar Hero/ Rock Band for another, chances are unless you aren't playing, you don't know what the guy on the screen is doing, or how awesome it is. With God of War it's a little less, but even so you're still staring at Kratos, not at your band members... well... you get the idea.

Does Crysis 2 look better than Crysis 1? Sure. But guess what? So does Call of Duty Black Ops, and Fallout, and Oblivion, and Red Dead and... again, idea is gotten. Lots of games now look better than Crysis 1, so that's not saying much anymore. Sure it's a pretty game to look at, but graphically superior video games are like flowers. "oh hey, that looks nice, that'll make my other things look nice too. Now I'm done with you flower/graphically superior game". Just doesn't have the shelf life that the modern games need.

Hilariously I actually can't stand when people compare Crysis 1 to Crysis 2. Same thing will happen with Witcher 2, same thing happened with Dragon Age. PC gaming and Console gaming are different. End of story.

Crysis 2 does take on the daunting task of re-creating the greatest city on the planet, NYC. And they pull it off quite nicely. Although most of the game I admired the distance graphics, and the ceiling of the game. Texturing buildings far away, ones that you won't even get to, and making them each as an independent and fully structural and fleshed out building takes time, and they took that time. So good for them.

The game, however, is quite delish. You have a super powered suit, the suit has features like cloaking, extra armor and super speed. You can only use a few at a time, and some powers only one at a time. All of these powers use your suits energy, which recharges, but never as quickly as you'd like. So this creates a bit of energy management rarely seen in games nowadays.

You can don the super armor and go guns blazing and hope for the best. Run out of ammo? Switch to cloaking if you have the energy left, but remember that you can't have armor and cloak, and some enemies can track your heat signatures. Good Luck.

Or you can choose the sneaky-petes route and cloak yourself, find a nice vantage point and start a snipe fest. Only problem... when you shoot with your cloak on, your energy drops to nothing. So you take off the cloak just in time to fire, shoot, and reapply. But now they all know your location, so you have to move, and move quickly.

The game basically wants you to move slowly and take your time. Sure you can pull off the guns blazing routine, but the reload speed is slower than most, so you'll quickly regret it. I've found a combination of both works best. Take out who you can quietly, then draw the rest to an ambush point.

Don't expect the moon with this game, its a solid campaign, somewhat longer than most today, which is nice. The storyline is vague and simple "kill the evil rich guy". You'll enjoy playing it, but I'm trying to finish it on super hard within a week, and it looks like I'll easily achieve that. The multiplay is fine, nothing we haven't seen before. I know I know, it's an old complaint and a deader-than-dead horse, but I still can't help wondering what the game would have been like without multiplay. Since no one thing it in is amazing. I'm not going to keep it, I enjoyed it, but it's time to pass it on. A solid enjoyable shooter, which is rare to see today, but nothing I'd go back for later. It's still a damn fine game though, and can run on most systems!