Judgements what I got in-store, Judgement on the PS4.

It's called Judge Eyes in Japan. 

Ooooooh girl, check out that mans by the bar, he's got those Judge Eyes. I think I'm going to talk to him.

The man at the bar.

Uhh Becky, that's not a handsome guy at the bar, that's an Eurasian Eagle-Owl. I don't even know what he's doing at this SoHo bar, those predatory birds are localized in Europe and Russian primarily. This bar doesn't even serve rodents, they serve drinks for humans.

Oh wait, he's buying drinks. WAIT UP FOR ME BECKY.


That little story? That tale of warning? A dark demise for Becky and her friend who was also named Becky who didn't realize that the man she was sliding up to was actually one of the largest species of owl, belonging to the genus Bubo? That story?

YEAH THAT STORY MADE MORE SENSE THAN THE STORY-LINE OF JUDGMENT. What you just read was more believable and sensical than the storyline of old Judge Eyes.

Judgment's plot issues. I guess.

Judgment is an open-world action-adventure game, from the same house that made the Yakuza series. Hell the entire game takes place in the same exact city as Yakuza. Yakuza is the Japanese version of GTA/Red Dead. Sort of. Open world cinematic series. Whatever. Now that that's out of the way, let's get cooking-

I'll spare you the plot. It's confusing, takes some weird turns near the end. I watched every single cut-scene, even read a few explanations after I finished the game, and was still left wondering "but then why did this and this and those things do that???" No fault of the devs, probably entirely me not understanding Japanese culture subtleties and maybe Japanese courtroom procedural things. BUT SOME SHIT JUST SEEMED WEIRD FOR WEIRD SAKE. SO Instead give you some highlights and you'll see why they make no sense.

• You fight doctors in a hospital that you broke into. When you defeat all of the doctors, you fight the security guards, then the police. This is after you'd already broken into the hospital/research center about a half dozen times. Each time you're in the research hospital, they kick you out and ask you to leave. Give it about another 30 minutes, and the main character says "lets go back, I have to ask them another question". Now maybe in Japan they're a bit more lax to trespassing, and most people tell the truth to random private investigators about crimes they committed. 
• But uhhh.... here in America, I was banned from a Chinese buffet (for valid reasons) and straight lied to the police about it. But hey, different strokes I guess.

• Guns are mostly banned in Japan. But sure enough, one roving gang leader that just wanders the streets will fight me the moment he sees me, and pull out two guns and just starts blasting. Crowds of people surround us to watch. REALISM? I DUNNO. But early in the game, anyone who has a gun and shoots me, you know as they do, I lose a little recoverable health. This gang leader shoots me? Permanent health loss. He's got one of them ultra damaging guns, it's probably a DLC weapon or some shit. ALSO EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMEONE BRINGS OUT A GUN, MY MAIN CHARACTER POINTS OUT "HEY THOSE ARE ILLEGAL". First of all, you're an ex lawyer turned private detective. Secondly, that's a real laid back way to address your imminent death. YOU CAN'T KILL ME, KILLING ME IS ILLEGAL!!

• On one of the dates you go on (I SAID IT WAS A JAPANESE GAME), you tell the girl that your preferred girls are usually 15 years younger than you. Bruh. Weren't you a lawyer? And also you are 35 in the game, and the girl you're dating is living at home with her parents. BUT HEY, DIFFERENT STROKES I GUESS. 

Kids? Guns? COLD SHOULDER.

You track down an old man who's exposing himself to girls, you fight all sorts of folks with clear mental issues, you buy drinks from a girl with a big chest because she lacks a personality and confidence, you're dating multiple women, get a severe head wound near the end of the game that everyone calls "temporary fogginess", you track down multiple killers, slam guys heads into car doors, but somehow never once kill someone. It's a Yakuza game, so it's expected.

Now considering that all that is in the game, there was a bit of drama with the lead voice actor. The original actor was arrested for suspicion of cocaine use, and had his voice removed from the game, as well as delaying the release of said game.

For possible use of cocaine. Removed from the game for possible cocaine use.

Don't get me wrong, I love RDJ. I'm saying that sometimes your good actors have to have a little pep in their step. Don't delay the game (and in my opinion ruin possible sales) because of what a voice actor did. But again, DIFFERENT STROKES.

What do I like about the game? 

The fighting is good, on par with usual Yakuza games. You're limited in how many fighting styles you can have, but Yakuza Zero spoiled me with their 3 fighting styles, Judge Eyes only has 2. The writing is goofy and weird and hilarious and all the things you'd expect from a Yakuza game. The side quests and mini-games have heart and interest. Story was a little long, and dragged near the end, but that's starting to seem like a standard for Japanese action games like this.

What do I not like? 

Little stuff. Nitpicky stuff. There are the roaming gangs that want to fight you. Outrunning them doesn't always work. So when you're going from Main Story-line Point A to Main Story-line Point B, you'll get stopped at least 3 times by these gangs. You fight 3 or 4 guys, then you're back to the main game. There's  a way to stop these random encounters but you can't do it until after the game is over.

Come to think of it. I just now realized it. That's exactly what these are. Random Encounters. These are the jellies in the fields of Dragon Quest. Ok cute and all, but then let me get to the castle or town, or whores-bath or whatever. I'm not trying to grind stats.

OH THAT'S THE OTHER THING I DON'T LIKE. The stat progression is a little....lax. You can upgrade your health, speed, and attack, but only three times. And each jump requires a hefty chunk of experience points. All other upgrades are special moves, that you really won't use. "Press square 4 times, triangle 1 time, square 2 times". NOPE. IMMA BASH THE BUTTONS AND SQUISH THEM DUDES.

You play as Yagami. He's showing off his lawyer badge. He's very proud of it.

It's a good game! 

The music is sparse, but good. Controls are nice and tight. You'll get 20 hours out of it if you try to do like 70% of the tasks, but you'll want to. There are few fetch quests, and even then it's fairly quick.

Near the end of the game, I felt like I was going through the motions a bit. Story-line got weird, but you could tell it was near the end, so it was justified.

I'm realizing that the chunky, satisfying 3rd person action games that I do so love and enjoy are gone.

Freedom Fighters, Ratchet and Clank, Jax, Bloodrayne, Punisher, Triggerman, Syphon Filter, I'm just looking at my shelves but those are some of the games that jump out. There were more on the 360, but I'm way too lazy to scoot over and check. Crackdown? Stranglehold? You get the idea. I'm realizing those games are dead, but their more modern incarnation are games like Yakuza and Judgement. Fine by me. I like GTA and Red Dead, but Rockstar is incapable of making a more manageable and complete-able game (THEY'RE ALSO INCAPABLE OF MAKING A BULLY 2).

Give Judgement a try. If you like it, you'll enjoy the Yakuza series. If you don't like it, fine. It's absolutely not everyone's cup of tea. But it's fitting into a category that American developers just don't seem to focus on. An American based action-adventure game has to either be a 700 hour ordeal, or as low budget as possible.

Plus you can hit on Japanese women and not feel creepy. 

I'm not saying I'm a neckbeard, but the threat is always lurking, in the corners near my Gundam displays and hiding within my cargo shorts pockets.

REGULAR BASEBALL HATS DON'T FIT MY HEAD, AND I ENJOY ANIME AND JAPANESE CULTURE AND STRUGGLING WITH WEIGHT IS A SERIOUS ISSUE, BUT I'M TRYING TO LOOK CLASSY.

Quarantine, the digital game, and don't do what Doug-Don't does.

"Man, I bet this quarantine will result in so many shitty podcasts and blogs coming out that it'll become the next pandemic".

Jokes on you, me from a few weeks ago, I had a shitty podcast and blog before this, so HA.

But almost entirely the joke's on me.


HEY. YOU STUCK AT HOME? BEING BORED? TRYING NOT TO VIRUS? Yeah, me too. LUCKILY!!! It's only been like a few years since I've last posted. HOWEVER. In that time, I ran a website too, and it went horribly. Not by any fault of my own. I was told I was being too negative in my posts by some shitasses that didn't know their ass from their face. I'm not negative. I'm a ray of fucking sunshine. 2REAL. But since that website is now gone, I have a few dozen posts (intelligently saved by me in this blog) that I can repost. SO DON'T WORRY KIDS, YOU'LL HAVE READING MATERIAL.

Looking back on my old posts, I literally post once a year. LIKE A DRUNKEN TEXT FROM YOUR EX I HAVE RETURNED. And I'm bringing critical truths that I plan to yell at you while crying. Just like Brian used to do. (Please insert your applicable Ex's name to make that joke work, thanks for the assist)

There I was kid, hiding in my house from the old Bat flu. I decided one rainy and fateful night to re-do my entire inventory. I'm not trying to brag, but the collection is in the 4 digits world. That's not even a weird flex, that's a desperate plea for help to contain this collecting addition. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING. Totally kidding, this life is great. Hah... I apparently own three versions of L.A. Noire. HOW FUN IS THAT. (OH! I'll have a post about collecting, it originated on the previously mentioned website ruined by previously mentioned shitasses. me? negative???)

So there I was thinking to myself "do I include my digital games?". But digital games can be removed at any time, the publisher can remove them, the parent company, the developers even. Hell, a copyright claim can have the game be removed. Even then, do you technically even own the game? Between free games, Games With Gold, and PSN games, how do you differentiate between "yours" and "yours but really theirs". Here's how I look at it.

1. Games I purchased with money or credits
2. Games I received from subscriptions or annual shit
3. Game Pass or PS Now games
4. Steam Sale bundles

What's technically mine? 

#1- At rough glance, I'd say #1 is a yes. And that I could add those to my inventory. Even though they could be taken away at any time, that's rare. I paid for them, and even though it's digital, some games are only available that way. 

(remind me to tell you the story about the guy who came into my Gamestop and demanded to get a physical copy of WoW. He said he didn't trust a download only game. Even though he's playing WoW. Good job kid. When you get home, don't be surprised when that disc just has some of the install files, but still requires a patch. You get nothing sir!)

#2- Sort of, but no. Even though technically I paid for a service for those, eeehhhhh. You might have a Netflix subscription, but you don't own the Tiger King (YOU HEAR ME CAROL FUCKING BASKINS). I feel like these are a flash in the pan style gaming. Sure you own them, but you didn't directly buy them. Like you didn't get an XBLA or PSN subscription specifically for that one shitty game they gave out. You got it to play COD or Destiny or... what do the kids play nowadays? Newgrounds Games. Yeah, that's why you have that subscription. Alien Hominids.

#3- This one is a hard no from me. Game Pass and PS Now both regularly remove games from their services, but like it's a known thing. And in all actuality, it's a solid move. Xbox said they were removing Just Cause 4 from Game Pass. I immediately panicked because I played it for 10 minutes and hadn't beaten the game yet. But sir, you can buy the game for 20% off before we remove it from Game Pass. DEAL! So I bought it for about $15 more than it cost before it went on Game Pass (insert capitalism joke here, or not). But even then, I didn't own the game until I bought it, I just was borrowing it from Game Pass.

#4- Steam sales? ABSOLUTELY NO. I own Torchlight on the PC like 5 times over, and don't even have a gaming PC. Steam just giving shit away. But also it's PC gaming, so I assume everyone has stolen everything. To hell with you PC Master Race. If you're using an XBox 360 controller to play your PC Steam games on the couch, you have a fancy console. Jokes on you jokers.

(Also, didn't care for the Joker movie. Absolutely no Damien Wayne, no Miles Morales, and no mention of Year Zero. I don't even understand comic movies anymore. How's that an origin story?? But for real, it was meh.)

Number 1 it is! Except.... there's no real physical existence of those games. Hypothetically if friends were over and wanted to see my game collection then.... well no that's stupid. Ok, hypothetically if I had friends and they came over and wanted to see my game collection, they'd review my lists and ask where my copy of Just Cause 4 for the Xbox One is. And I would explain to them that it's a digital only copy. They'd make a face like "cheap bastard can't even afford a physical copy" and I'd tell them to fuck off and get out of my house. I NEVER NEEDED YOU GUYS ANYWAY.

Damn hypothetical friends. Ruining my good mood. (can you believe it, a website shut down over negativity, my negativity? shitasses....).

I think for now, I'll leave my digital copies separate. Besides, when the networks finally go down, it's not like I'll be able to play those digital game anyway. Unless they're already downloaded onto my hard drive. So do I do backup hard drives filled with my digital games? No of course not, that's ridiculous. Much smarter to just buy the physical versions of all my digital games and avoid the whole thing altogether.

All kidding aside, at least I'm not one of those losers who buys cases for their digital games. YOU'RE SITTING ON A THRONE OF LIES BRIAN.

Until Dawn: Night Trap Part 2

Blogs are exactly like friends from high school.

"don't change over the summer".
Oh I'll fucking change. don't you worry Bryan.

"Glad we got to be best friends, cya in college".
Your laugh irritated me Becca. Jeez.


I've neglected you blog. And for that, I'm sorry. Here's the deal. I'll write something on you, and you don't keep judging me.

And to all those readers in Russia (don't ask me pal, google just tells me this shit)

спасибо за чтение и держать на сияющий бриллиант вас с ума!!!

Only had to use google translate a little bit. See, years ago, I took Russian because I could, now I speak it pretty krosho.

I bet you came here expecting a review on Until Dawn, That's so like you.
Fine, you drove all the way over here. Let's do this.

Until Dawn is a survival horror game on the PS4. Out now.

Oh you want that expanded on? Geez, some people.

Made by Supermassive Games, who are mostly known for a whole lot of Little Big Planet DLC, a remake of Killzone I put as much effort into as I did any other Killzone (own them all, finished none, just like everyone), and a Dr. Who game.


Ok.... first of all. No one asked for a Dr. Who game. I'M NOT A FAN OF DOCTOR WHO, JUST WARNING YOU NOW.

Here's my issue with Dr. Who. You ever stumbled on an author you like, only to find he has a massive backlog of shit he's written? Goodkind, Prachette, Adams? And when you realize to get caught up, it would require reading a fuck ton of older books. You hunker down and read through their entire catalogUE (because they're British), right? Catch up on everything that's happened so far? Yeah no, no one does that shit. You say "oh what else has he written? That many huh? Nope. Good day sir" and move on with your life.

That's how I feel about Dr. Who. Here's how I know that's the case too, there's constantly a new doctor. It's like the shows developers even know that no one would pay attention to anything that long. Is CSI still on? Is the guy from Manhunter still on CSI?

Supermassive made a Dr. Who game that got a metacritic score of 39. Out of 100. That's a lot less than 100, 39. You'd think a shit game like that (shite), would be right up my alley. I even looked it up before writing this article.

The game takes place just before the events of "Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead" in River Song's timeline as indicated by various notes within her diary as well as the use of her title of 'Professor'.

Wat. Is that a sentence? A reference to something? Words and such?

So I clicked the link that explains what Silence in the Library is, and got this.

"Silence in the Library" is the eighth episode of the fourth series of the revived British science fiction television series Doctor Who. 

 See, the issue we have here is I have no idea what's going on. SIMILAR TO UNTIL DAWN.

aaaaaaaahhuh, see how I brought it all back???

So a group of teens (the oldest looking fucking teens in the oldest world ever) are hanging out at a winter mansion owned by some kids parents. A prank is played and two of the sisters run outside and die. A year later (WHEN THE OLD ASS KIDS ARE STILL SOMEHOW IN SCHOOL), they go back to the cabin for some dumb reason. They're promptly hunted and killed off. Despite your best efforts. I mean, there's a way to keep everyone alive, sure, but who watches Friday the 13th for the romance and witty banter?

The object of the game is to keep everyone alive. But the system is the interesting part. At the surface, it's an interactive movie game, choose left or right path, button mash at the correct time, you know the song and dance. But the game switches it up a bit by adjusting based on your choices. Did you notice the baseball bat in the kitchen earlier? Later you'll be able to use that. Didn't notice it? Well screw you pal.

My point and click instincts kicked in almost immediately, so I spent waaaaaaaay too long checking for everything. It was suggested that by even doing that, I was changing the game. Well piss.

So the game bounces around between different characters throughout, and you play out each of their scenes while picking different dialogue trees, paths of travel, and items to examine. You'll get the occasional quick time event where you have to press certain buttons quickly, and sometimes where you can't even move the controller. Which, ok clever, but I'll just set it down on my gut and we're G2G.

OH! Peter Stormare is in it. Really the reason I bought it. (I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR APPEAL HAYDEN PANITEIRRE, HAYDAN PANTI.... YOU).

True story, tried to type her name into google to get proper spelling, like a proper person, and google suggested Basil Hayden's. You're absolutely right Google.

To the store!


See. what's great about a blog, it's been a day, and you didn't even notice. Went to the store, got Basil Hayden's, remembered that I hate Basil Hayden's, should have gotten Grand-Dad.

Two days later.

Peter Stormare is in it. He plays a chorus of sorts.

See, in plays of old, you'd use a chorus to sort of set the scene and setting for the performance. If they were sung, like in Greek dramas, they'd be choral odes. Useful for when you have minimal scenery or need to cover/explain a setting change. In Romeo and Juliet there's an omniscient narrator who opens the story "Two Households, both alike, in Verona" and an omniscient voice of sorts (the Prince) to end the story "Than this of Juliet and her Romeo". The idea being it's helpful to draw the observer into the story if you didn't have to have the characters explain everything, pro and epilogue style. Makes for a simpler transition. Modern playwrights tend to use soliloquy (sometimes heavily), to express setting and time. The removal of the chorus allowed for a more intimate performance.

Now you know. Also never let your kids get a BFA in Theater.

So you, as you yourself, sit and talk with Peter in between episodes of Until Dawn. So it cuts away to him in a therapist's office, and he asks you questions about what scares you. Usually asking which of two is scarier. The idea there is the game trying to tailor the experience to what would scare you specifically. Peter Stormare also makes for a fairly unbelieveable therapist. But hey, I bought into the idea that he was an Italian mob-boss so whatever. Also, he's Swedish, not Russian.


Fine. back to the game. The real problem here is I want to fully experience the game. If there are hundreds of different possible outcomes, how can I do that? You essentially can't. That's the real problem with games like this, there's an infinite number of outcomes, but basically a finite number of playthroughs. Unless you managed to make super outlandish choices after a while, you'd eventually keep coming across the same results. What, are you going to remember every decision you made and slightly alter the 15th and 59th choices on your 103rd playthrough? Nope.

So inherently, you're stuck playing a handful of times, then being done with that. It's the aspect of these types of games I can't stand. I used to love playing Dragon's Lair and Space Ace (I might own the 3DO versions, proceed to drop panties), but once you've """beaten""" the game, you can only really play through it again to fuck with it. How many times can I be killed, can I break it in this way, and so on and so forth and on.

It's a good game, but it screams rental. Lots of jumpscares, good dialogue, great graphics (like better than LA Noire facial construction), and a solid system. But at the end of the day, an 8 hour game is just that. 8 hours. Hell to do literally everything supposively takes only 20. Every ending and scene takes 200, but still....

These games aren't about how many hours though, it comes down to if you enjoy that style and want to see more of it. You pay $12 for a movie (usually more) and that's only two hours. So math math math, an 8 hour game should cost.... $48? Good thing the game came out at $60, but quickly dropped to $40.

I picked mine up for $20 which I feel is worth it. I don't necessarily want Supermassive to think I'm supporting them. (DON'T BANK YOUR ENTIRE COMPANY ON VR GAMES DAMMIT, THAT'S EGGS AND BASKETS AND NOT A THING YOU SHOULD DO). But it's what they've always done, so meh. Will their upcoming VR Until Dawn.... game.... stand up on it's own? (Can we call them games when really they're glorified demos? You show me a 30 hour VR game and I'll call it a game. Of course if you show me a 30 hour VR game, I'll quit calling it the EyeToy 3).

Oh....oh no. Wikipedia tells me-

In an interview with PlayStation LifeStyle, executive producer Pete Samuels stated that Supermassive Games is exploring the possibility of continuing Until Dawn.^[45] A spin-off, titled Until Dawn: Rush of Blood was announced by Sony at Paris Games Week 2015. Described as an arcade shooter, the game's development began in the middle of Until Dawn's development. It is set to be released for the PlayStation VR.^[57]

The following is a list of good arcade rail shooters. (IT'S GOING TO BE A RAIL SHOOTER BECAUSE EVERY ARCADE SHOOTER IS A RAIL SHOOTER. IT'S A FANCY WAY TO SAY RAIL). Arcade shooters are NOT shoot em ups, well not exactly.

• Pokemon Snap
• Killer7
• Jurassic Park the arcade game
• Typing of the Dead
• Area 51

But let's face it, Area 51 was a joke. You'd start playing, and if you only shot civilians, you got the super secret mode. And that's really my point here, Area 51 wasn't that good of a game. Also, Pokemon Snap printers cost too much nowadays.

Aaaaaannnnyyywwaaaaaaay. Give Until Dawn a shot. Redbox it, but understand that you'll be spending $12 or so to get through it completely, unless you marathon it. Beyond that, watch a Let's Play. No nudity, so I give it minus 5 stars compared to Night Trap. 

What's that?

Night Trap didn't have nudity? Well. It had that claw thing and the foot clan. So there's that.

The Den. Like Chatroulette, but with less demands for nudity.

BOYFRIEND I THINK

If it was that bad, maybe you should get off the site. 

WHATEVER THE MAIN GIRLS NAME IS

I'm not just gonna give up on the study, the school gave me a lot of money to do this, i can't just tell them i changed by mind.

BOYFRIEND I THINK

I don't know what you want me to say, it's the internet, you should have expected something like this.

Ever hear of the movie "The Den"? No? You haven't? But Rotten Tomatoes gave it an 80%! I.... I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it. It's on Netflix, but it's like deep in Netflix crap. Deep crap.

Originally released in Russia as Death Online (which is how this specific movie landed on my radar. I hear Russian horror movies, and I get all giddy. They'll eventually release a NightWatch/DayWatch 3, just keep waiting).

So remember in the early 200000s when omegle and chatroulette sites were all the rage? Remember how now they're not, and now everyone has [INSERT CURRENT TREND HERE] and [ADDITIONAL CURRENT TREND HERE] instead? (I'll stay topical forever dammit). Hey this movie remembers!

It's a found footage film, and the main character dies in the end. (Screw spoilers, you won't watch it).

Girl gets a school grant to do research on the people you meet on video chat. She witnesses a murder and investigates it. With sexy results.

Wait no, murderous results. 

Here's an additional list of things I didn't like from the movie.

• You're on a random cam site, and you ran across >1 penis. Yeah OK.
• The main girl has a guy on the side that looks and sounds identical to the boyfriend. I'm confused by that.
• Her Sociology professor board consisted of three old white guys and one sassy younger black girl. COME ON NOW.
• There were multiple dogs shown in the movie, yet none of the dogs had starring roles.
• She mentions she got take out, a few times, but we never see the takeout, nor does she use a proper noun in reference to the takeout. Movies do this constantly "hey guys, I brought some dinner and some refreshments in a satchel!". No. I want to know what you're eating, because you're boring me movie.
• The main girl looks foreign, and her sister doesn't, what's with that. 
• Multiple times throughout the movie it shows someones computer screen, not a single one of those screens had multiple tabs of porn open. Completely unrealistic.
• Her desktop. Ok so having a few folders on the desktop, fine. But her's are like sporadically scattered across the cloud wallpaper. I couldn't even be bothered to find a picture. Why that's annoying? She makes her bed every damn morning. Not only have you killed a stranger on the internet, but you've killed my trust in character development. Killed

The found footage medium so rarely works because it completely relies on the story and atmosphere to get anywhere. No real settings, just ambience and the reliable "did something just move in the darkly lit area, SOMETHING DID MOVE? OH GOODNESS, WHAT MOVED".

Found footage medium wouldn't work anywhere else, not in books or audio, because (well yes aside from the fact that it's footage), but also because you only get snippets of a story. One minute they're in the woods, one minute they're at home, but you're only seeing what they "see". Make a found footage movie from the aspect of a bookshelf in a spare bedroom or something, something interesting. You get 45 minutes of silence and then the occasional yelling.

Oh what? That would be too boring? Because the hour and a half I wasted on The Den was absolutely more interesting..... yeah, think about that.

For this medium to work, I need a few things. I need to feel empathy for the main character, I need either much more detail, or significantly less detail. Let me know every single thing about the character and how they got to where they are OR tell me nothing and let my mind fill in the blanks. 

If within the first 20 minutes of the movie, I see that she's cheating (or maybe not? idek), I immediately stop giving a shits about what might happen to her. Especially when she's mean to her boyfriend. But Doug, you don't know what the boyfriend did, maybe he was horrible to her?? NOPE. That's where you're wrong, I don't know what he did, I only know what the movie tells me, and the movie tells me she's cheating. 

You can infer it from her interaction with her boyfriend that he fucked up somewhere in the past? I see, so now you're essentially wanting me to create backstory where there is none. This all is the work of the author, not the viewer. Since the movie decided to give me some backstory, that's what I have to work with. Hell, from what they've given me, I can assume she's some horrible sadistic child murderer on the flee from the law and pretending to be a grad student somewhere.

Long story short, I should feel something for your main character if you want me to continue. If I, as the viewer, am not given the information as to why I should care for her, I'm not going to be vested in the story. She dies, and I think "well, the fucking way she goes boys". 

Overall the movie could have been a short story. Or it could have been a terrible sequel to feardotcom (which has an adorable wiki page here . This article has multiple issues indeed wikipedia).

All in all, it's a terribly written, acted, and designed movie. But as is my nature to marathon through them, complain loudly to a cat about them, then blog them. It's my calling.

Oh, it's also called The Den because that's the name of the website. There were no showing of dens, snugs, rumpus rooms, man caves, offices, home libraries, or computer rooms. Way to go movie. 

Also also, that bit of dialogue up top perfectly displays what was wrong with this movie. It was released as a video on demand film, ironic.

And finally, I wrote this entire blog while listening to the Heat soundtrack.

FaaaarCrrrryyyyy out loudddd. Just keep it inside...

Years ago, long before any of you were even thought of, it was the early 2004s. Times were tough. Stuff was happening, that guy was doing things, music was happening, it was a different time.

Taco Bell was still on point though.

Crytek made a delightful game called Far Cry 1. It was your standard FPS in the jungle. Sold just fine, made lots of people happy, helped Crytek get noticed. No biggie smalls right?

So naturally they came out with Far Cry 2 four years later. They took what people liked from the first, added some fire elements, some super smart AI, some tricks they'd learned from their super successful Crysis series, and made another solid FPS. There were some spin-offs and some tie-in games released under the Far Cry series between FC1 and FC2. Look, it was the 200000s, it's what we did back then.

Good on ya boys.

Then came Far Cry 3, take everything you've learned from the last handful of games, and make a much more solid and enjoyable open-world FPS. Far Cry 2 was open world too, but different, still felt linear.


Far Cry 3 was enjoyable, had decent (but essentially worthless) replayability, and was a perfect game for people who had that Fallout 3 explore and shoot-itch. You played a young man on a vacation with some friends, when events turns unfortunate for the group. Disaster, heartbreak, fear and adventure ensue. In the end you make some decisions that decide things, and come to some conclusions that conclude things. Why do I even summarize these things when I can have wikipedia use my words for me.

Far Cry 3 is set on a tropical Asian-Pacific archipelago called the Rook Islands. The game's protagonist is a young American man named Jason Brody who is trying to save his imprisoned friends and escape the hostile islands after a vacation gone wrong. He gets involved with the Rakyat, the native people of the island, and in return for their assistance, sets out to help them reclaim the island from its pirate invaders. (THEIR PIRATE LORD IS NAMED VAAS)


Thanks wikipedia!! All caught up? Wonderful.

Now here's the summary for Far Cry 4 from wikipedia. 

Ajay Ghale, After the death of his mother Ishwari, returns to his home country of Kyrat to carry out her final wish by scattering her ashes. Shortly after arriving in the region, the bus he was on gets stopped by Royal Army and after their passports were denied they started to shoot at the bus and killing most of Ajay's companions. Pagan Min arrives in his helicopter and takes Ajay and Darpan, an old man who acts as his guide, to Paul ''DePleur'' Harmon's fortress. The country's eccentric and violent king Pagan Min talks to Ajay and indicates that he knew Ajay's mother and was romantically involved with her. Pagan leaves Ajay alone for a few minutes, and Ajay flees the fortress with his mother's ashes (you can stay at the table until Pagan comes back to finish the game).


So. If I'm reading this right. Some guy goes to a foreign place, some shit goes down, and he ends up fighting to save the place. Far Cry 2 you're a mercenary sent to kill someone. Far Cry 1 you're a boat captain who ends up getting tossed into some crazy shit in the jungles. (OK KIDDING, YOU'RE A FORMER SUPER SOLDIER WHO IS HIRED TO TAKE A REPORTER SOMEWHERE, BUT YOU GET THE GIST).

What I'm getting at here is the plots are always somewhat vague. Which usually isn't a big problem in FPS games. There have been sketchier plots.

A cyberattack that cripples the Chinese Stock Exchange; in response, the Chinese government bans the export of rare earth elements which the entire infrastructure of the US Army runs and relies on, fermenting the start of the Second Cold War between the United States and NATO, against the Chinese-led Strategic Defense Coalition. 

That's one of the actual plots from COD:Black Ops II.


I think my biggest problem with the plots of Far Cry is how hard they try to write them. In 3 and 4 you have this massive character decision, sometimes sprinkled throughout the game. There's a line of decision making I enjoy in my video games. Mass Effect, for example, approaches the issue with a wide selection of choices, each one deliberately thought out and with consequences. In that you can choose how you want your character to play out, and then deal with the storyline to your preference.

Far Cry.... you don't give me that option. You write your characters in a specific fashion, one that any normal person might disagree with, and then hand me back the controls.

Yikes, fucked this up for you did i?
Far Cry, I didn't even want to do that, isn't my character supposed to be a badass?
Yeah, except not here, here he totally flips the script bro.
Nope. No. There will be no script flippage here.

It's an essential element of any good story. You have a main character who has a motivation, he comes across a conflict, addresses the conflict in accordance with his motivation, then deals with the result. The falling action (or denouement if you're nasty).

It's a big reason why I have such trouble reading James Ellroy books. You have a main character you understand and feel like you can see through, then halfway through the story, he completely fucks it up. (Read Clandestine, Brown's Requiem, Blood On The Moon, it's Ellroy's early work, but it shows this perfectly. Also, don't read those books, they're really long and frustrating and books).

You simply can't have the main character that I play make decisions in the game that I don't agree with. Sorry bub, doesn't work like that. Because, and I'll tell you why, once he makes that decision, I don't want to control him anymore. You've forced your story onto my shooty/stabby adventure, and you've made it a key element.

Far Cry 3 did this in spades. The main character makes a decision near the end of the game that doesn't fit any reasonable expectation for the character. He makes a number of smaller decisions throughout the game that damage his reputation as an actual hero. Sure, you're trying to save a tribe of people, but at the cost of your friends well being? Ahuh.


So.. what's this gotta do with Far Cry 4? Does nearly the same thing. I don't understand the character's motivation, I don't understand how he can quickly take up arms against something, but at other times ignore huge motivating factors completely. I don't want to ruin too much, but he does some weird shit.

BUT THIS IS A SHOOTER, SO WHY IN THE HELL IS THERE SO MUCH STORYLINE?

Exactly. You can have an overall plot, even main protagonist involvement emotionally, but when it changes the flow of the game... come on son. That's really my big gripe with the game, FC3 and FC4. You're trying too hard to make it a cinematic storyline-driven game when people want to play it for the mechanics and gameplay style.

YOU'VE SKINNED A BILLION ANIMALS, BUT MONTHS LATER, EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL YOU SKIN STILL COMES WITH A VOCAL "UGGHHH" FROM YOU? NO.

No. Same thing happens in FC3 too. You have such hesitation about skinning an animal, but a few days later you're skinning everything in sight. Sure, it's just a sound effect. BUT IF YOU WRITE THE GAME TO SHOW EMOTIONAL IMPACT FROM YOUR MAIN CHARACTER ABOUT CERTAIN ACTIONS, THOSE EMOTIONAL HINDRANCES SHOULDN'T REMAIN THROUGHOUT THE GAME. 

So you end up with this horribly mis-balanced character, who is motivated by who the fuck knows, and is trying to save something that he clearly had no ties to previous to this adventure. Why would I want to control that? What would keep me from skipping the cut scenes?

oh you. You'd keep me from skipping the cut scenes. I see. The game doesn't allow it. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME GAME? WE'RE FIGHTING FOR THE FREEDOM OF OUR VILLAGE??

Not only that, but there are two different leaders of the tribe, and I have to pick whom to listen to and do missions for. So... I can choose between two good people? What sort of fucking outcome do I get from that?

And finally..... Far Cry 4..... Pagan Min, the evil dictator ruling your country is actually the least of your concerns. It's obvious you're just a fictional version of Tibet. Very obvious. Nothing wrong with that, but GOOD LORD IF IT'S TIBET YOU HAVE A BIGGER ISSUE THAN PAGAN MIN, YOU HAVE CHINA.

But that's all neither here nor there. I read the ending for the game. Two screens worth of explaining. Needless to say, your character makes all sorts of weird decisions, mostly for no reason whatsoever. No underlying motivation, mostly just a "choose A or B, congratulations, you choose this one because of nothing"

I just want to shoot. I want to drive fast cars, and shoot stuff, and explore. The plot could be non-existent for all I care. But when the game is hindered by plot, that gets old.

Aside from the ambitious writers, the game does have a ton of high points. It's a solid shooter with everything we've come to expect from the Far Cry series. I just found myself skipping most of the cutscenes and ignoring most of the storyline. Because at the end of the day, I have games like Mass Effect and Dragon Age who, frankly, do a much better job of writing a concise yet deep story. That sort of thing doesn't just belong to BioWare either. Bioshock and Red Dead do an excellent job of telling deep stories while not interrupting the game itself.

All too often I feel like games subject the player to "here sit and walk with this guy while we explain way too much about the story to you, ok now here's how you crouch, shoot and run, anyway... more story". That feeling you get when you start off playing a game for the first time and you know it's going to be an hour or more before you really get taken off the leash.

Not that Far Cry is the only series guilty of it, but the game could shine so much more without all the backstory. On either side of the fence you have games that handle storyline completely different. Dragon Age with their pages and pages of story and subplot and everything else, and you have COD with its rough semblance of a storyline just deep enough so you can understand your geographic location and know what outfits to shoot at.

I want to love the Far Cry series, and for the most part I do. I just don't care for the storyline and poorly planned out lead character I pilot. It's not that kind of game, and I doubt anyone is really expecting it to be. Skip over all the fluff and backstory of the game, and you have a consistently solid shooter with great mechanics, beautiful landscapes and tons of hours to spend in it. IF I WANTED A STORY I'D READ A BOOK.

......who am I kidding, if I wanted a story, I'd watch half of the movie based on the book, and google the ending.

Ooooo OooooOooo weeeee. Dyyyying Light....is boring.

Hey kid, come here. Did you know zombies were the in thing right now?

GET AWAY FROM ME STRANGER FROM 2009. I AM AWARE OF WHAT WAS COOL BACK THEN.

I played Dying Light Island Riptide, or whatever.

The morning the game was released, Gamestop made a mistake. You buy the season pass for the PS4 online, they give you the code for the fullgame instead. Whoops. Good thing it didn't get onto Reddit.

OH CRAP IT DID EVERYONE GET UP AND BUY IT.

Two hours after the mistake was found, everyone who saw it, got it. But then get this, you ready? Sitting down? They're going to give to anyone who tried to buy the season pass online (with the intention of getting the full game for cheap) the season pass for free. You fools.

(See I can say stuff like that now, because, look LET ME FINISH THE BLOG).

Sos I got the game. Played it, begrudgingly, because I have all these other games I need to play and frankly I don't have the time toblogabouteveryoneandmaybei'mjustbusywiththingsnandstuffandchadhasn'tinvitedmetothedanceandhesgoingtoaskthatbitchbritany!!!

RECIPE FOR MAKING ONE DYING LIGHT.

• 1 part Mirrors Edge.
• 1 part Dead Island
• a dash of difficulty from dark souls, or whatever (night scenes man)

Put it into the setting from Spec Ops (somewhere sandy, I didn't own a globe as a child). Make it look super nice, and you have Dying Light. Not that it's a bad thing, just..... I dunno, something about running from zombies and crafting makeshift weapons feel like a dance I've danced before. and I don't dance.

The storyline is something, as in you're a super secret spy being sent in to investigate blah blah blah. I kinda preferred the vague story from Dead Island (you're a rapper...but sort of, and you fight zombies). There are two factions that are battling to survive amidst the apocalypse, and a ton of hilarious townsfolk to spice things up a bit.

The game looks gorgeous, but it's expected on the next gen systems. There's a ton of clipping and drop in issues, but it's expected on the next gen systems. Everything moves as smoothly as expected. The interfaces work well enough; craft weapons here, upgrade skills here, here's a map, do these things. For real though, it's a much cleaner upgrade of Dead Island.

But see that's the issue, there wasn't really anything wrong with Dead Island. You got on, jumped into friends game, and ran around completing tasks.

Wait, Techland. You mean they made.... but you just came out with Dead Island Riptide, then you make Dying Light to...

Dying Light, in summation, is Dead Island 3, or Dead Island Next Gen.

What else can be said, they took what people enjoyed from the Dead Island series, added some flash and dazzle, ramped up the parkour elements, and continued with what they knew.

Techland was smart...ish. They cancelled releasing the game on PS3 and 360. Why's that smart? Well, because. Releasing the game on both last and current gen systems means you have two factories making the same game for completely different results. The last gen system versions wouldn't sell.

It's tough when people start to feel forced to buy new systems, because well.... THAT'S ANOTHER BLOG FOR A LATER DATE.

K. So that's where we are. So what's different? What's new? Is there a reason for me to buy this game over any of the other zombie survival games out there? And what's all this I hear about cooperation?

You'll initially want to buy the game if you know of anyone who already owns it. Simple enough. The co-op in this game brings back the fun/terror of Dead Island on the next gen systems. While most people have tossed out their old systems, they might not have gotten out their hankering for some good old fashion co-op. Otherwise, it's a great way to make some friends on PSN if you find yourself lacking warm bodies who own the newer systems. 

New? I dunno. More weapons, the parkour system (seriously, it's IDENTICAL to Mirror's Edge, but no complaints here, since we're clearly not seeing a sequel anytime soon), and then there's the night mode. Oh lawd the night mode. 

The game gets smart in where at night, it gets cray. Stronger zombies who can jump, climb and run just like you are out and about, along with a biiiig increase in the amount of average lumbering fools running the streets. It makes it so that the night game on Dying Light turns into more of a stealth game than anything else. It's a good break from the norm, albeit frustrating when missions don't give you the option to choose night or day.

Should you buy this game? No. Not unless you know for a fact that you have someone you can play with regularly. Otherwise, I have a sneaking suspicion that this game will quickly become cheaper in the near future. At $40 and $15-$20 for additional DLC, it would be a decent, but don't go shelling out a full $60 just yet.

Tag team, Back again, check and direct, and let's begin.

Who knew that one day the words scribed by Stephen Gibson and Cecil Glenn would be the title of an internet blog entry. Tag Team came out with two albums, no foolin, then nearly a decade later came out with a "Best Of" album. Those tenacious bastards.

AT. ANY. RATE.

I'm back. Did you miss me? I've missed you. Seems like forever since we last chatted. So pull up your favorite blanket, download some sort of fireplace app, and get cozy. I've got a whole mess of reviews and entries coming down the line for you. Oh you want a sample?

Well fine.

• Dying Light (or how I got a free game, then a free season pass)
• Assassin's Creed Unity/Rogue (SO TOPICAL RIGHT NOW)
• The Saboteur.
• Far Cry 4
• Alien: Isolation
• Forcing you buy a new system

Wait, you're telling me I did a Saboteur review? You mean it's somewhere right now out in the ether of the world wide webs? Look skeptical friend, I just beat the game today. YES I AM AWARE THAT ITS A 4 YEAR OLD GAME, WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?

So... now that we're alone. What have you been up to lately? Me? Oh nothing much, just writing a book or two. No but seriously, books. Wrote them. I mean they aren't that good *passively kicks rock on ground*. But in that time I fear I've neglected what you and I shared. I also went through about 8 billion different jobs, because you know I'm cool like that.


OH! Add another topic to that list up top. I don't feel like scrolling.

Whatever, lazy. I had to leave my industry of selling video games by day, why you ask? Well you'll just have to read the blog.

WITH THAT BEING SAID. Let's line up that spine up, dine up that wine up, and rock out with your blog out.