Law Abiding Citizen, at least until the last 10min

Take one part Saw, one part Se7en, mix in Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler, and you get Law Abiding Citizen.

Oh man, oh man did I love this movie, I loved the looks, I loved the plot. Gerard Butler's family is murdered and raped by some guy, so Butler goes to trail with his lawyer Jamie Foxx. They plea bargain, and the guy gets 3 years jailtime.

This does not sit well with Gerard Butler. He goes postal, well he disappears for 10 years, comes back and systematically kills everyone involved with the case. However he does it in a clever way, he's sitting in jail, bargaining with Foxx because they have little to no proof that Butler did anything!

Butler is like a supersmart criminal mastermind who's only reaping vengeance for his family. His traps are very Saw-like, and the chase to find the bodies is extremely reminiscent of Se7ens final act.

Here's the problem........ you root for Butler, you want everyone to die, most of the time you're sitting there waiting for Foxx to die too (which everyone knows Butler is saving for last)

*spoiler*

but then you get to the ending.... lemme give you a rundown, Butler had placed a cell-phone activated bomb in city hall and was going to blow it up, all while "trapped" in his jail cell (he had a secret escape route).

Foxx foils the plans and places the bomb under Butlers cot, traps Butler in the cell just as Butler activated the bomb, Foxx lives and Gerard Butler dies for trying to exact revenge for his family.

Yes, I know, it's a morality play, it's to show that eye for an eye leaves the world blind, but you can't help but root for Foxx, so... I've re-written the ending for the sadistic ones out there.

stop the movie at the exact moment Gerard Butler gets out the phone.

Butler: Maybe I wasn't such a bad teacher after all.

Foxx: Maybe. You'll be regretting this for the rest of your life.

Butler: I'm sorry Nick

Foxx: Me too.

Butler: (hits send on the phone)

Foxx turns to open the cell to find it locked.

Butler: But a good teacher knows to never teach his students every single trick.

Foxx: No!

BOOM!!!

and they both die in the explosion. Gerard Butler would rather both he and Foxx die, rather than just let Foxx escape without truly knowing what loss is like. Just sayin, if you're going to make a movie where someone outsmarts everyone, suddenly at the last moment you can't have the foil turn over the greatest and final plan of the masterminds, it doesn't work that way.

At any rate, the movie is really good, Butler and Foxx are great opposite roles, you spend most of the time rooting for Butler to kill everyone involved and are a little disgusted at Foxx's disregard for the injustices.

It's a good movie, but that ending they kept just leaves a bad taste in your mouth, Butler lost everything, Foxx gave him little to no help, and gets to go home at night, tragic hero indeed.

Rent it though.

TNA Impact...ed ass

TNA IMPACT!!

Fight Night Round 3, Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 1, Oblivion, Hitman: Blood Money, Prey, Godfather: The Game, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, Gears of War, Crackdown.

What's this a list of? Xbox 360 games that cost as much or less than TNA Impact, all of these games came out 2 years before TNA Impact, and all sell better, look better, and play better than TNA Impact. There is no reason for a game like TNA Impact to exist, here's why!!.....

Look, I'm a wrestling fan, a big one, have been for years. There's no way TNA will buy out WWE, I just can't see that happening.

Yes, this game is old. But first of all, let's blame Gamefly, since they seem to be out of everything nowadays. And frankly, there aren't many wrasslin' video games out anymore, cept for Smackdown, so to find something like TNA Impact is a nice change of pace

or so I thought.....

Where do I begin? The TNA roster that is half missing, the other half you have to, HAVE to play through the story mode to get them. What about arenas? Same deal, if you play exhibition you get to choose from a single arena, until you suffer through the story mode. Create-a-character? Same deal, you have nothing other than a default setting, until you play through the story mode.

Alright, fine. I'll go through the story mode. Let me give you a rundown...

you're a somewhat famous TNA wrestler called Suicide (which hilariously after this game came out, they did in fact get a character named Suicide to join actual TNA ranks, since they liked the idea so much). So you are famous, and you win matches, when some mexican fellows tell you to take a dive in your next match, you don't and they beat you up later, somehow you end up in Mexico, and you have to fight your way through the ranks of amateur wrestling to finally get a chance to be on TNA.

Now, if you missed the contradiction, you were a TNA superstar, some guys beat you up, and now the storyline is you crawling up the ladder to become.... a TNA superstar?

Ok.... so I get through like 5 matches, and I finally get to fight my difficult opponent, but this guy is tough, really tough, confusingly tough. So me wanting to simply get through the story mode to get the achievements and be able to review this, check the difficulty setting. I was going to lower it to have a easier time suffering through the game.

I am given the options of Indie, Pro, and Backyard. The default is Indie.... So I assume Indie is medium, so I switch it to Pro, nope, that ain't it. I check online and find multiple forums where people aren't sure which is which. In case you ever find yourself needing to know, Backyard is easy and it goes Backyard, Indie, Pro.

Why am I explaining all of this? It's a perfect example of whats wrong with this game, generally speaking. They could do things easy, but instead they just make it more difficult.

The sound is horrible, the announcers are perfect, circa 1998 N64 wrestling games. The controls are confusing (i.e. run is a trigger button, grabble is left bumper and Y?), the story mode basically consumes the entire game. The arena is aged (as of now), half the people on the roster don't exist anymore (I know it's an older game, but still). Just a poor excuse for a wrestling game.

Here's the deal, back in the day of N64 and PS1, the reason you played the wrestling games were either the giant roster of characters (WCW vs NWO revenge had like 100+ people) or you played for the features (WWF Raw and Attitude had decent announcers and customizable ring entrances), but this game? Nowadays? Around the time WWE Smackdown 2k7 was out? No good.

There really isn't a reason to play this game. Even if you're a hardcore TNA fan you'll know enough people from Smackdown to play it. Yeah, I'm going to compare it to Smackdown because basically, it's their direct competition in this wrestling gaming world (I'll leave out Rumble Roses X).

They basically took a average PS2 wrestling game, and ported it to the other systems, because it would sell, and sell it did, only.....eh, not so good.

Don't play, don't rent, don't gamefly, even if you like wrestling. If you HAVE to have a wrestling game, buy WWE Smackdown 2k7, and make the TNA wrestlers, chances are they'll even look better.

The Singing Dic

The Singing Detective, apparently theres a BBC miniseries that this movie was based on.

Ever heard of the movie or the miniseries? Probably not.

Hey! Did you know Robert Downey Jr, Mel Gibson, Adrien Brody, and Katie Holmes were in a musical of sorts together? Yep, that's this. Shockingly enough, not many people remember it.

Alright, here's the skinny-

"Suffering from the skin disease psoriasis and a crippling arthritis, detective novelist Dan Dark is in such pain in a hospital that he begins to delve into fantasy, resulting in several story-lines told simultaneously:"

Thanks Wikipedia!

Now here's the problem, this movie is one of those "let's be weird and have flashbacks and burst into song and not really make sense until the end"....like.... umm..... Happiness of the Katakuris. This sort of design works only sometimes, and usually it's destined to become a cult following abstract movie.

That's the same deal with this. Frankly, I thought the overall design and storyboard of the movie was brilliant, Downey can't sing but his character can...well... the character in his story that he replaces with himself can. So you have scenes where Downey is "singing" but it's obviously been dubbed, no matter it simply adds to the elements.

This is just a strange movie, but I've always been a fan of both film noir and this sort of abstract musical-esque clip show? Yeah, that.

The movie is better viewed in its entirety, because, as you watch it you start to piece things together, start to piece the plot together. You quickly discover things that the movie then tells you at about the same time.

The reviewers gave it horrible ratings, but that's almost to be expected since it appeals to a crowd of oh, I dunno, like 5. If you're familiar with the Happiness movie I've previously mentioned, or something like Death to Smoochy, then this movie is right up your alley. If you want something strange, and I mean strange, but a decent movie for a saturday afternoon, then this might be it, as long as you like detective stories. If you don't like the strange and abstract, and don't care for dic stories, just stay away, most everyone else did.

Thick As Teefes

Get it, teefes? like in Snatch? Ahhh, anyway..

Thick as Thieves staring Antonio Banderas and Morgan Freeman

Ok, if you're reading this so far, you've probably read my Smokin Ace's 2 review, I followed that movie by watching this one.

And yet.... another..... confusing..... plotline.

Here's my thing, when I watch a movie I'm not really paying attention to the names necessarily, I'm more watching the movie for the movie, so when you get to a plot point where you say "it's not mr x, it's mr y" for example, chances are I have no idea what anyone is talking about.

Laziness on my part? Possibly. So here we go!

Antonio and Morgan are both on a train, Antonio robs some foreign guys, Morgan comments on it, and the chase is on! By chase I mean Antonio is chased by the police.

So Antonio and Morgan teamup to rob a rich russian guy, that's basically the short of the movie.

However, *spoiler* Antonio is an undercover cop hired to catch Morgan who is an expert art thief. BUT WAIT. Morgan knew this and made up the whole heist to screw over Antonio. BUT WAIT, the tables turn again when Antonio and Morgan steal a priceless egg and give it to the rightful owner, but wait! the man they give it to is actually a thief. OH NO!

Confusing right? Right. That's basically what the last half-hour of the movie was, plot twist after plot twist.

It wasn't a bad movie, just confusing, it kept me entertained for like an hour, and if you actually follow the storyline and enjoy those kinds of twisty turney(?) thriller action mysteries, this is totally up your alley.

Overall I'd say rent, if you own Entrapment I feel like you're supposed to have this movie sitting next to it. It's a nice evening movie, or like a movie you watch when you have a few hours to kill, or a plane-ride movie. Yeah, that's it, it's probably playing on a plane right now, and the people are enjoying it, but not too much.

Smokin' Aces 2- Assassin's Fail

Smokin' Aces 2- Assassin's Ball.

Oh Vinnie Jones.... You were in Snatch and Lock, Stock.... you played Juggernaut.... you played that criminal guy in Condemned.... you even played football somewhere that you call something that has nothing to do with football, football.... Wales? Anyway,

A veritable "who's who" of actors that you've seen in tons of movies, but aren't sure of their name.

I think I could name about one actor I knew in this movie, Vinnie Jones, he kinda stands out.

Wait... Tom Berenger? Do I know you? I think.... maybe?

So the movie is basically "remember those people from Smokin Aces 1? They're back, in a prequel?

An FBI analyst has a bounty on his head for a very specific time and day, so the feds lock him up in this super secure vault underneath a Chicago nightclub. The $3 million bounty has every single assassin coming out of the woodworks to kill this guy. It's almost like a "hired gun gathering" or a "mercenary meeting".... or an assassin's ball.... har har.

WAIT. Ernie Hudson!!! You were in this movie? When? Where?????? Oh my....

thats..... kinda sad.

Long and short of the movie, it makes no sense, haha.

*spoiler*

The FBI guy everyone is protecting is actually a terrorist (i think) who planted all of the information (and the entire life) about this analyst and worked in the FBI for years just to be able to kill him off, not sure why.

On top of that, the assassins that came to kill him were actually all hired by the US Govt.

The movie was just, confusing, I watched it twice, the first time to see it, the 2nd time to see if I could figure out what was going on, no chance. See here's the problem, the guy who's portraying the FBI guy is also outside of the building, I think. Like, at the end of the movie, they try to explain everything and they explain it wrong the first time, so they explain it again, and it's just more confusing.

Oh, Ernie Hudson comes in at like the last 5 minutes, that's right, bit part.

Basically, there's a reason no one remembers this movie in theaters, it didn't come out, haha. Least not around here. If you love the first movie, redbox this, don't you go buying it. Just confusing.

Xbox 360's Assassin's Creed 2

Alright alright. This game was one I'd been looking forward to for a while, probably since I first played AC1.

Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed 2.

I remember playing Assassin's Creed 1 on the xbx, it was one of the first games I had for it. Not only was it a gorgeous and huge game, it played well, it had great characters and great level designs, and basically made you feel like a badass. There were some flaws (I didn't care too much about them) but no one liked the repetitive nature of the missions, or the extremely linear design. They told us the next game would improve on what AC1 had.

Oh....oh it did.

I'll assume you're familiar with AC1, since this is the sequel and well yeah, saves me time too.

So with this one you're in Italy during the renaissance, a pretty cool time.

The first thing you'll notice is the level design. These levels are huge, HUGE. Big. There are alleys and small burroughs you'll probably never even walk through, but they exist. You can run, climb, and swim (yeah you can swim) across, over and through every single inch of the level. The free-running elements are still there, and since it was good in the first place, they didn't change much. They added a nice feature where you can jump up to a higher ledge, something extremely useful.

You're Ezio, an Italian son of an assassin (oh sorry, I ruined that). Your family is killed, and you start your revenge killing/ path to assassinhood.

Oh yeah, the Desmond story is still there, but there isn't much too it, so if you hate Desmond you won't see him much, if you like that kinda stuff, you can search for extra videos concerning it.

Lets see, music and sound effects- good, not very noticeable, but you'll enjoy the sort of rock/chamber esque tunes when they occur.

Controls- Solid. The fighting system is still some sorta sticky, you can't re-select enemies, which is mildly annoying. The free-running is brilliant, jumping running climbing and swinging are all very stable. You have some newer moves where you can assassinate from a cliff or ledge, or from a haystack. The haystack is a fairly unused feature, but fun when it happens.

Visuals- Stunning. You won't notice the details until you stop and look around, but when you do, you'll be very glad you did.

Hey, if you're still reading by now, that means you're a gaming fan, and maybe you have an Xbox. If you have the ability, please please please install this game onto your hard drive. It'll run faster, and you won't hear the annoying load sounds that normally you'll hear quite often. It takes quite a bit to run such a nice game.

Overall environment- Ok, the world here is basically your standard non-linear environment (which I'll explain the non-linear comment in a bit), there are prostitutes, art merchants, doctors, tailors, blacksmiths, and all sorts of other people. Thieves will rob you, which you can of course get your money back, by any means necessary. Doctors can sell you medicine which acts like an old school health pack.

Non-linear missions- Ok, there is a single storyline you'll have to follow to get to the end. However, the last AC1's problems occurred with the path to an assassination. You beat up a guy, overhear a conversation, trail someone, and then assassinate. Not so with 2. With 2 you basically go from assassination to assassination, or you can take on side missions to buy up armor, or weapons to build up your health and attacks and defense.

There are TONS of side missions you can take, assassination contracts, races, beat-up events, and courier situations. You'll max out your health and weapons before you finish the game, but that's ok since it helps. (a certain assassin from the previous AC's armor returns to this game).

There are so many parts of the game that you'll enjoy that it doesn't even matter if I explain them to you. From using Leonardo Da Vinci's flying machine to fly across Italy to killing the Pope in Rome, you'll do some amazing things, and you'll enjoy every single minute of it.

Time- even before I beat the game I was telling people you'll get 20 to 30 hours out of it, when I finally beat the storyline I was at 28hours, so there ya go. The game is tough in parts, a few sneaking missions and a few boss battles, but you'll keep coming back for more kills.

Overall- I'd say rent, but you won't be able to get through the game in a week. Buy it, and you won't regret it. My next goal is 100% on everything, including achievements.... it'll hopefully take me another enjoyable 10 hours.

Great game!

Surrogates: surrogates are people.... people!!

Surrogates.

I don't remember this movie being in the theaters but apparently it was.

Ok, here's the deal. They invent these clone cyborg dealies that you control, they look like you only however you want yourself to look. You control it from a Matrix-esque chair that you have in your house. So you stay at home all day and your clone you goes out and does whatever it is you do, with you controlling it.

The movie probably could have been like 30 to 45minutes with no commercials.

Basically here's the entire movie *spoilers* included

An eccentric billionaire/scientist makes surrogates for everyone, but then regrets his decision and makes a weapon that kills the surrogate, but it also kills the user (not the scientists intention). So the scientist creates reservations (and using one of his own surrogates as the leader where the surrogates aren't allowed, and basically tries to undo his creations. His rationale is that people aren't interacting on an actual physical level, but rather through the clones. After a virus is uploaded that will kill all surrogates and human users, his hope is fulfilled and the surrogates are destroyed, but humanity is safe.

Meanwhile...... Bruce Willis is an FBI agent investigating said weapon and the murders from it, when he discovers the trails of the scientist and his plot, after a few twists and turns Willis finally has control over killing all of the surrogates or keeping them alive. He destroys them all. Willis also falls back in love with his wife, and there's something about his dead son.

There, I just summed up an hour 40 movie in like 2 paragraphs. It wasn't a bad movie, it just felt a lot like iRobot mixed with Minority Report. Human clones and a rogue ex-cop trying to uncover the secrecy and corporate corruption involved. I mean, ok no it's iRobot and Minority Report and Soylent Green combined, that's basically it, it a Minority Report/Blade Runner kinda world.

It wasn't a bad movie. I keep having to tell myself that. It was just the same old same old, with decent special effects (young bruce willis, which is what he has his surrogate look like, doesn't look like actual young bruce willis, which is weird)

Basically it could have been a short made for tv movie, or a two part movie.... or something.

Earlier today I was thinking about how neat it must have been to have double feature scifi movie nights at drive-ins and local cinemas, Surrogates would have been perfect for that. Surrogates and Pandorum in a double feature, I'd totally pay to see that. I just don't think I'd pay 2000's money for each one separate.

Overall- If you like the other movies I've referenced, you'll like Surrogates,

but Redbox exists for a reason. This is worth a watch.