Xbox 360's Assassin's Creed 2

Alright alright. This game was one I'd been looking forward to for a while, probably since I first played AC1.

Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed 2.

I remember playing Assassin's Creed 1 on the xbx, it was one of the first games I had for it. Not only was it a gorgeous and huge game, it played well, it had great characters and great level designs, and basically made you feel like a badass. There were some flaws (I didn't care too much about them) but no one liked the repetitive nature of the missions, or the extremely linear design. They told us the next game would improve on what AC1 had.

Oh....oh it did.

I'll assume you're familiar with AC1, since this is the sequel and well yeah, saves me time too.

So with this one you're in Italy during the renaissance, a pretty cool time.

The first thing you'll notice is the level design. These levels are huge, HUGE. Big. There are alleys and small burroughs you'll probably never even walk through, but they exist. You can run, climb, and swim (yeah you can swim) across, over and through every single inch of the level. The free-running elements are still there, and since it was good in the first place, they didn't change much. They added a nice feature where you can jump up to a higher ledge, something extremely useful.

You're Ezio, an Italian son of an assassin (oh sorry, I ruined that). Your family is killed, and you start your revenge killing/ path to assassinhood.

Oh yeah, the Desmond story is still there, but there isn't much too it, so if you hate Desmond you won't see him much, if you like that kinda stuff, you can search for extra videos concerning it.

Lets see, music and sound effects- good, not very noticeable, but you'll enjoy the sort of rock/chamber esque tunes when they occur.

Controls- Solid. The fighting system is still some sorta sticky, you can't re-select enemies, which is mildly annoying. The free-running is brilliant, jumping running climbing and swinging are all very stable. You have some newer moves where you can assassinate from a cliff or ledge, or from a haystack. The haystack is a fairly unused feature, but fun when it happens.

Visuals- Stunning. You won't notice the details until you stop and look around, but when you do, you'll be very glad you did.

Hey, if you're still reading by now, that means you're a gaming fan, and maybe you have an Xbox. If you have the ability, please please please install this game onto your hard drive. It'll run faster, and you won't hear the annoying load sounds that normally you'll hear quite often. It takes quite a bit to run such a nice game.

Overall environment- Ok, the world here is basically your standard non-linear environment (which I'll explain the non-linear comment in a bit), there are prostitutes, art merchants, doctors, tailors, blacksmiths, and all sorts of other people. Thieves will rob you, which you can of course get your money back, by any means necessary. Doctors can sell you medicine which acts like an old school health pack.

Non-linear missions- Ok, there is a single storyline you'll have to follow to get to the end. However, the last AC1's problems occurred with the path to an assassination. You beat up a guy, overhear a conversation, trail someone, and then assassinate. Not so with 2. With 2 you basically go from assassination to assassination, or you can take on side missions to buy up armor, or weapons to build up your health and attacks and defense.

There are TONS of side missions you can take, assassination contracts, races, beat-up events, and courier situations. You'll max out your health and weapons before you finish the game, but that's ok since it helps. (a certain assassin from the previous AC's armor returns to this game).

There are so many parts of the game that you'll enjoy that it doesn't even matter if I explain them to you. From using Leonardo Da Vinci's flying machine to fly across Italy to killing the Pope in Rome, you'll do some amazing things, and you'll enjoy every single minute of it.

Time- even before I beat the game I was telling people you'll get 20 to 30 hours out of it, when I finally beat the storyline I was at 28hours, so there ya go. The game is tough in parts, a few sneaking missions and a few boss battles, but you'll keep coming back for more kills.

Overall- I'd say rent, but you won't be able to get through the game in a week. Buy it, and you won't regret it. My next goal is 100% on everything, including achievements.... it'll hopefully take me another enjoyable 10 hours.

Great game!

Surrogates: surrogates are people.... people!!

Surrogates.

I don't remember this movie being in the theaters but apparently it was.

Ok, here's the deal. They invent these clone cyborg dealies that you control, they look like you only however you want yourself to look. You control it from a Matrix-esque chair that you have in your house. So you stay at home all day and your clone you goes out and does whatever it is you do, with you controlling it.

The movie probably could have been like 30 to 45minutes with no commercials.

Basically here's the entire movie *spoilers* included

An eccentric billionaire/scientist makes surrogates for everyone, but then regrets his decision and makes a weapon that kills the surrogate, but it also kills the user (not the scientists intention). So the scientist creates reservations (and using one of his own surrogates as the leader where the surrogates aren't allowed, and basically tries to undo his creations. His rationale is that people aren't interacting on an actual physical level, but rather through the clones. After a virus is uploaded that will kill all surrogates and human users, his hope is fulfilled and the surrogates are destroyed, but humanity is safe.

Meanwhile...... Bruce Willis is an FBI agent investigating said weapon and the murders from it, when he discovers the trails of the scientist and his plot, after a few twists and turns Willis finally has control over killing all of the surrogates or keeping them alive. He destroys them all. Willis also falls back in love with his wife, and there's something about his dead son.

There, I just summed up an hour 40 movie in like 2 paragraphs. It wasn't a bad movie, it just felt a lot like iRobot mixed with Minority Report. Human clones and a rogue ex-cop trying to uncover the secrecy and corporate corruption involved. I mean, ok no it's iRobot and Minority Report and Soylent Green combined, that's basically it, it a Minority Report/Blade Runner kinda world.

It wasn't a bad movie. I keep having to tell myself that. It was just the same old same old, with decent special effects (young bruce willis, which is what he has his surrogate look like, doesn't look like actual young bruce willis, which is weird)

Basically it could have been a short made for tv movie, or a two part movie.... or something.

Earlier today I was thinking about how neat it must have been to have double feature scifi movie nights at drive-ins and local cinemas, Surrogates would have been perfect for that. Surrogates and Pandorum in a double feature, I'd totally pay to see that. I just don't think I'd pay 2000's money for each one separate.

Overall- If you like the other movies I've referenced, you'll like Surrogates,

but Redbox exists for a reason. This is worth a watch.

On the topic of the gamer's preference

Sometimes I don't talk about video games and horror movies, sometimes I don't review them, sometimes I wax philosophically about video gamers in general. Here's the situation:

A guy came in a few days ago and wanted "a game like Assassin's Creed or Splinter Cell, with like a slow plotting, killing methodology to the game". So I explained to him that games such as Saboteur, Velvet Assassin, Dead Space, Fallout 3 and Oblivion have the same feeling. It's that slow, tactics heavy killing game that's not quite an RTS or an RPG, but you basically have to approach it as such if you want to survive. So he tried Velvet Assassin (that review is currently in progress).

He hated it. Ok that figures. He thinks he wants a game like Thief or Hitman, or even the old System Shocks, problem is, most people don't have the patience for that today. So his next trial was Fallout 3, which he absolutely hated. (My all time favorite game, once I gain 100%, a daunting task, I'll review it)

I asked him a more thoughtful question when he returned with Fallout. "How slowly do you play?" to which he replied "well, I like to get through a game in 8-10 hours".

Oh no. no no no. That simply won't do. See, here's the problem, he's not a action/adventure gamer, he wants a shooter, but doesn't want a shooter, if that makes sense.

So I asked him the next logical question, "have you played COD or Halo or Borderlands or L4D?" He said he loved L4D but hasn't played any of the others. Aha, here it is. He wants a shooter, but doesn't know it. So I sold him a used copy of COD:MW1 and told him to give it a whirl. He came back at the end of the 7 day trial and said he loved it. He also came back and sold both Assassin's Creeds, Splinter Cell, Bioshock and Oblivion.

Some gamers just aren't slow shooter gamers. I have 250 hours put into Oblivion, and about 5 put into COD. That's just how some gamers are. If you figure out what types you like and what types you don't like you'll see how quickly you get through games. An easy trick for 360 owners, look at what games you have more achievements for. Of course some games are easy to get achievements, but whatever genre you have the most in, chances are that's your favorite genre.

I can't play RTS's, I'll admit it. I don't have the patience for it, and I don't care to manage my resources. At the same time I don't obsess over FPSs. My idea of a perfect game? Something like Oblivion, or Assassin's Creed, or Zelda. Haha, something that rewards the obsessive-compuslive nature, and yet has fast action. If it's a handheld game, that's simply perfect for an RPG, something I can take with me and obsess over. Final Fantasy Tactics and FFTactics A2 combined I have somewhere in the realm of 400hours dedicated into it, but FFX? I went through it once.

If all you play is a shooter, that's fine. If you believe Zork and FF are the only true video games, that's fine too. Not every game is made for you to enjoy. Most people hate Saboteur and Fallout, which is fine because the people that like them, love them.

However, you'll save yourself a ton of trouble if you simply admit to yourself what you do and don't like, and play accordingly.

Have fun!

PSP GO

The PSP Go.

I finally broke down and bought one. Albeit that it's only $150 used, $100 cheaper than new, I felt like it was a good choice.

First off, I'm going to skip the tech specs, you can find those anywhere.



I'm going to discuss it from a gamer's perspective.

Now, we all know I'm a bit of an internet pirate, and when I heard that the PSP Go didn't really prevent anyone from using ISO and CSOs, I was intrigued. At work I constantly badmouth the PSP GO, with the usual statements like "it's digital download only, you have to pay whatever sony wants you to pay, there won't be used games, if you don't like a game you're stuck with it, etc"

So why did I buy one? If it seems like a used PSP 2000 or 3000 would be $50 cheaper? Well, a few reasons. Finding a used PSP in good condition is about like finding a DS Lite used in good condition, it might happen, but you'll have to drive a ways to do it.

I was recently playing a PSP 3000, basically brand new, at work the other day. I was surprised to find that the brand new Assassin's Creed Bloodlines ran rather choppy, and get this, the UMD loaded louder than the highest volume on the psp. No deal.

So when I heard that the used Go's were going to be $150, I decided to look into what all I could pirate for it. The internet didn't fail me on this one, you name a psp game, you can find it on the internets to download. Perfect. What about video conversion? It still plays .mp4s. Done and done.

So why a PSP GO? Its small, it's about the size of my blackberry, it has no UMD slot so it's really small, and it has no annoying load times, and did I mention no UMD discs? Brilliant.

Here's the thing about UMD. ok, the way the packaging is made, the disc cases, if you take out a UMD properly, you actually pull at the UMDs seal, do this enough times and the disc gets ripped open.


(copyright- playtech.co.nz)

Now sure, the disc can be fixed, but most gaming stores won't take the disc in trade if the disc is cracked at all. True story, I've taken out a UMD from it's case to check in, and in the process actually cracked the UMD itself. It happens, often. The guy got his money though, don't worry.

Regardless, UMDs are moot now, since the PSP GO doesn't use them. So where do all of your games music and movies go?
Onboard hard drive, brilliant. It's a flash memory so it runs nice and fast and can transfer quick. But hey wait, if I download a game, and run out of space, what do I do?

Well, if you've purchased the game before, you can re-download it as many times as you'd like, you can also save the actual game onto a pc or mac and transfer it back and forth however you'd like. (You see how the piracy starts?)

PSP classics. They cost about $5-6 a piece, and these I actually buy. The original Resident Evils, the original Dino Crisis. Basically, if it was on the PS1, you can download it to your PSP GO, kinda brilliant. They have onboard memory cards, screen size adjustments, the classic games with all the expansions, a pretty slick way to change discs, basically if you buy a PSP GO just for the PSPone classics, you're getting your moneys worth.

Now I mentioned the small size, and you might be wondering if that small size affects gameplay. Well, I have larger hands, and sure the shoulder buttons are a bit of a stretch, so I kinda lay my finger over them. But now remember, most PSP games make use of the d pad or buttons to control the camera, so basically you move with the analog stick (which is much smaller but much more responsive on the go), and you control the camera with the face buttons. It's a little smaller in width than the DS lite, but the size is what really sold me. You can basically hide a PSP GO inside of the old PSone. brilliant. It works almost like a Sidekick in the sense that the screen is on top, and you slide out the buttons from underneath. I have the tendency to hide the buttons during cut scenes or movies, and pop it out when needed.

Movie player, same as PSP, just a basic but solid player. The sony store has a slick system for renting/buying movies. Basically if you rent it, you pay $3 and you have a week to watch it, within that week if you start to watch it you have 24hours to finish it. Or pay $10 to buy the movie straight up, or convert your dvds into .m4p format and transfer them on and ignore the whole ordeal.

Music player, nothing fancy but you won't want to take up space with music. On average the games are 600mb to 1.3 gbs, which isn't terrible considering you'll have to pirate or buy each one.

My last lie about the PSP GO I'd tell people "not every game for the PSP will be released for the GO". Totally not true, every single PSP game, and some you can't buy in stores, is available for purchase on the sony store, and get this, you're paying whatever you'd pay for the game new in stores.

I think the marketing and sudden approach of Sony is what almost killed the GO. If people were able to experience it, they'd understand that it's a pretty innovative system with some good ideas, and a really bright future. Unfortunately that future will only be experienced by people willing to take the leap, and there aren't that many willing.

Session 9: Horatio Caine and the haunted Irishman.

Currently watching "Session 9" it opened with a "USA Films" logo...... this is gonna suck...

A hospital closed in 1985, and all the patients were put out on the street, but some keep coming back.

OK, my first big problem with this movie. Horatio from CSI: Miami and Jim Brass from CSI: First one are in this movie.... ummm.... Neither of them are police officers, Horatio is an asbestos remover and Brass is a tourguide of sorts, I think he owns the building.

Anyway, Horatio and an Irishmen are examining the building to see what sorts of asbestos and hazmat removal they'll have to do. They start working on Monday and the movie basically starts.
I'm pretty sure Horatio from CSI is also smoking pot. I uh... ok. So throughout the week each of the 5 workers has a different problem or storyline they follow. One becomes obsessed with the old asylum records and the history of a single patient. (Doesn't this sound familiar??) One is afraid of the dark, one is dating Horatio's old girlfriend and picking on Horatio about it, one is the Irishman who's having martial issues and a new baby problems. As the story progresses each person seems to be more and more affected by the asylum. They start fighting with each other more and more, they start hearing voices and going crazy, and the likes.

*spoiler*

The Irishman goes nuts and kills everyone, and has been killing them the whole time.

My problem with this movie, and the idea is pretty commonplace but good regardless, is that they don't explain the unexplainable. When you finally find out that it wasn't Horatio who was killing people, it's more confusing than anything. Normally in these types of movies, it's a "oooooohhh!! that explains it!" but this time it was more of a "so wait, that part didn't happen? or wait, not yet?? ummmm".

I think there's a new genre of horror movies, and I'd call it the "group investigation/discovery" flick. So movies like Session 9, and that shitty danish horror movie, and the descent and the likes are grouped into a specific area, where they find out some dark power lurks there, or someone goes crazy, or something like that.

The movie had some strange music choices, but mostly it's the silent, dialogue only sounds. The setting is a great asylum that's been featured in dozens of movies. There's nothing really wrong with the movie, it just kinda drags. Honestly, it would be a better book than a movie, since I can't imagine Horatio Caine and Jim Brass in anything other than CSI.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CudA99mUoz0

Overall- It's not worth a rent, and not worth a buy, maybe if someone else is watching it, and you're not really paying attention but it's on in the background, then it might be ok.

There's no Salvaging this Butcher of 2 bad movies

two movies, both released in 2006.... although never heard anything about them until other people told me they were new and sucked...

Salvage (also knows as Gruesome) and the Butcher

Salvage.... a girl who works at a gas station at night, and goes to community college during the day

It starts when she is waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up from work, only instead of her boyfriend, it's a man named Duke

wait, she dreamed this.....
ok..... so she gets home and Duke breaks in and kills her in the basement...
wait no no, she dreamed this too

she keeps getting killed by a man named Duke, in her dreams, each time she falls asleep, she is attacked by Duke. In one conversation he tells her that the only thing that is real is what she feels.... k? In one occasion, she is able to call the police, they come and tell her that they killed Duke a week ago...after being chased all through her dreams, and having her boyfriend killed in her dreams in the process, she finally makes her way to the library... dream or reality? no fucking clue...... and she reads the news that she has been missing for over a week. Finally she and her boyfriend, who came back to life?, make it over to Duke's house, but wait, Duke comes home.... she escapes, but her boyfriend doesn't... she makes it home.... and into her basement where... she finds...

*spoiler*

it's actually Duke trapped in limbo in Hell and he has to re-live killing this girl over and over...... OH MY!!!

so she was dead, and everything that happened in the movie, actually happened in the past...... here's my thing..... wouldn't he enjoy having to re-live his final kill over and over again? isn't the kill the exciting part for killers?.... anyway, I had to read a forum at imdb to understand the movie.... which was annoying.....

2.5 out of 10

Butcher

An escalade with a bunch of college students is terrorized by a deformed man in a deuce and a half truck, they eventually make their way to a farmhouse, where they find the standard dead people, and a small girl and a wife..... that's basically it... they all die except the main girl (who at one point re-wires the house's circuit box to get power back into the house.... seriously, nothing against girls, but I don't even know how to do that, and the house was built in the 1930's.... and never changed.... so how??)

*spoiler*

the girl that they find is actually the daughter of the wife and someone who lives in town, yes the lady that married the deformed man in the truck cheated.... gross part.... they couldn't have kids, who knows why, so he would take the bodies... (but wait, in the movie they said they... I know) and burn them in a hole outside..... the second guy, the madly-in love- with other girl who gets killed guy (seriously, they are all standards for slasher movies) sacrifices himself to kill the monster and save the main girl

the main girl runs into the street, and is saved by some more college kids.... on their way to vegas by way of a small farm?.... as they are driving, they pass..... guess what guess what!!! a deuce and a half.... but whos driving???? the mutated man!!! OH NO!!!

4 out of 10.... they followed the rules and had all of the standards of a slasher, everyone got killed according to the rules.... good for them


so yeah.....

Sublime: Doesn't everyone else get it?

I watched what I thought would be a good horror movie, Sublime

wrong

wrong

wrong


Ever seen Jacob's Ladder? It was ok, but I was like 13 and didn't get it at all...

here's the thing.... take a political commentary on Bush, and combine it with Jacob's Ladder, you get Sublime.

Anyhoos, this movie sucked.... apparently the main character George Grieves... get this.... represents George Bush and the grieveances (huh?) that face him due to the modern world..... thanks to IMDB for explaining that, because, well.... I wouldn't have gotten it.... at all

about 40 minutes into the movie, it turns into a commentary on race.... one of the nurses at the hospital

wait..... ok sorry.... this guy goes into a hospital for a colonoscopy and a mistake occurs and they give him a hyperhyrdosis surgery for sweaty palms

see how that relates to Bush? neither do I

so this nurse, who is black, and named mandingo, I ain't makin this shit up, it's really in the movie, starts to blame George for being white and complaining about life

umm.... some more confusing things, and a blatant scene rip from Jacob's ladder, and we are.... wait no.... 1 hour into the damn movie

then, to make me punch myself in the face more, they begin to do that bullshit

"is this a dream or reality?" topped with flashbacks that I guessed at...

at the end he dies

he kills himself by jumping out of the window, or something...

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE

to avoid paying attention to this movie, I would actually reply to Stuart McDowells emails.... and was excited when he wrote me back, thats how much this movie sucked. Unless you want what one person on IMDB called

"finally, an original horror film that mocks George Bush"

umm.... the only... nevermind

the movie sucked