Judgements what I got in-store, Judgement on the PS4.

It's called Judge Eyes in Japan. 

Ooooooh girl, check out that mans by the bar, he's got those Judge Eyes. I think I'm going to talk to him.

The man at the bar.

Uhh Becky, that's not a handsome guy at the bar, that's an Eurasian Eagle-Owl. I don't even know what he's doing at this SoHo bar, those predatory birds are localized in Europe and Russian primarily. This bar doesn't even serve rodents, they serve drinks for humans.

Oh wait, he's buying drinks. WAIT UP FOR ME BECKY.


That little story? That tale of warning? A dark demise for Becky and her friend who was also named Becky who didn't realize that the man she was sliding up to was actually one of the largest species of owl, belonging to the genus Bubo? That story?

YEAH THAT STORY MADE MORE SENSE THAN THE STORY-LINE OF JUDGMENT. What you just read was more believable and sensical than the storyline of old Judge Eyes.

Judgment's plot issues. I guess.

Judgment is an open-world action-adventure game, from the same house that made the Yakuza series. Hell the entire game takes place in the same exact city as Yakuza. Yakuza is the Japanese version of GTA/Red Dead. Sort of. Open world cinematic series. Whatever. Now that that's out of the way, let's get cooking-

I'll spare you the plot. It's confusing, takes some weird turns near the end. I watched every single cut-scene, even read a few explanations after I finished the game, and was still left wondering "but then why did this and this and those things do that???" No fault of the devs, probably entirely me not understanding Japanese culture subtleties and maybe Japanese courtroom procedural things. BUT SOME SHIT JUST SEEMED WEIRD FOR WEIRD SAKE. SO Instead give you some highlights and you'll see why they make no sense.

• You fight doctors in a hospital that you broke into. When you defeat all of the doctors, you fight the security guards, then the police. This is after you'd already broken into the hospital/research center about a half dozen times. Each time you're in the research hospital, they kick you out and ask you to leave. Give it about another 30 minutes, and the main character says "lets go back, I have to ask them another question". Now maybe in Japan they're a bit more lax to trespassing, and most people tell the truth to random private investigators about crimes they committed. 
• But uhhh.... here in America, I was banned from a Chinese buffet (for valid reasons) and straight lied to the police about it. But hey, different strokes I guess.

• Guns are mostly banned in Japan. But sure enough, one roving gang leader that just wanders the streets will fight me the moment he sees me, and pull out two guns and just starts blasting. Crowds of people surround us to watch. REALISM? I DUNNO. But early in the game, anyone who has a gun and shoots me, you know as they do, I lose a little recoverable health. This gang leader shoots me? Permanent health loss. He's got one of them ultra damaging guns, it's probably a DLC weapon or some shit. ALSO EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMEONE BRINGS OUT A GUN, MY MAIN CHARACTER POINTS OUT "HEY THOSE ARE ILLEGAL". First of all, you're an ex lawyer turned private detective. Secondly, that's a real laid back way to address your imminent death. YOU CAN'T KILL ME, KILLING ME IS ILLEGAL!!

• On one of the dates you go on (I SAID IT WAS A JAPANESE GAME), you tell the girl that your preferred girls are usually 15 years younger than you. Bruh. Weren't you a lawyer? And also you are 35 in the game, and the girl you're dating is living at home with her parents. BUT HEY, DIFFERENT STROKES I GUESS. 

Kids? Guns? COLD SHOULDER.

You track down an old man who's exposing himself to girls, you fight all sorts of folks with clear mental issues, you buy drinks from a girl with a big chest because she lacks a personality and confidence, you're dating multiple women, get a severe head wound near the end of the game that everyone calls "temporary fogginess", you track down multiple killers, slam guys heads into car doors, but somehow never once kill someone. It's a Yakuza game, so it's expected.

Now considering that all that is in the game, there was a bit of drama with the lead voice actor. The original actor was arrested for suspicion of cocaine use, and had his voice removed from the game, as well as delaying the release of said game.

For possible use of cocaine. Removed from the game for possible cocaine use.

Don't get me wrong, I love RDJ. I'm saying that sometimes your good actors have to have a little pep in their step. Don't delay the game (and in my opinion ruin possible sales) because of what a voice actor did. But again, DIFFERENT STROKES.

What do I like about the game? 

The fighting is good, on par with usual Yakuza games. You're limited in how many fighting styles you can have, but Yakuza Zero spoiled me with their 3 fighting styles, Judge Eyes only has 2. The writing is goofy and weird and hilarious and all the things you'd expect from a Yakuza game. The side quests and mini-games have heart and interest. Story was a little long, and dragged near the end, but that's starting to seem like a standard for Japanese action games like this.

What do I not like? 

Little stuff. Nitpicky stuff. There are the roaming gangs that want to fight you. Outrunning them doesn't always work. So when you're going from Main Story-line Point A to Main Story-line Point B, you'll get stopped at least 3 times by these gangs. You fight 3 or 4 guys, then you're back to the main game. There's  a way to stop these random encounters but you can't do it until after the game is over.

Come to think of it. I just now realized it. That's exactly what these are. Random Encounters. These are the jellies in the fields of Dragon Quest. Ok cute and all, but then let me get to the castle or town, or whores-bath or whatever. I'm not trying to grind stats.

OH THAT'S THE OTHER THING I DON'T LIKE. The stat progression is a little....lax. You can upgrade your health, speed, and attack, but only three times. And each jump requires a hefty chunk of experience points. All other upgrades are special moves, that you really won't use. "Press square 4 times, triangle 1 time, square 2 times". NOPE. IMMA BASH THE BUTTONS AND SQUISH THEM DUDES.

You play as Yagami. He's showing off his lawyer badge. He's very proud of it.

It's a good game! 

The music is sparse, but good. Controls are nice and tight. You'll get 20 hours out of it if you try to do like 70% of the tasks, but you'll want to. There are few fetch quests, and even then it's fairly quick.

Near the end of the game, I felt like I was going through the motions a bit. Story-line got weird, but you could tell it was near the end, so it was justified.

I'm realizing that the chunky, satisfying 3rd person action games that I do so love and enjoy are gone.

Freedom Fighters, Ratchet and Clank, Jax, Bloodrayne, Punisher, Triggerman, Syphon Filter, I'm just looking at my shelves but those are some of the games that jump out. There were more on the 360, but I'm way too lazy to scoot over and check. Crackdown? Stranglehold? You get the idea. I'm realizing those games are dead, but their more modern incarnation are games like Yakuza and Judgement. Fine by me. I like GTA and Red Dead, but Rockstar is incapable of making a more manageable and complete-able game (THEY'RE ALSO INCAPABLE OF MAKING A BULLY 2).

Give Judgement a try. If you like it, you'll enjoy the Yakuza series. If you don't like it, fine. It's absolutely not everyone's cup of tea. But it's fitting into a category that American developers just don't seem to focus on. An American based action-adventure game has to either be a 700 hour ordeal, or as low budget as possible.

Plus you can hit on Japanese women and not feel creepy. 

I'm not saying I'm a neckbeard, but the threat is always lurking, in the corners near my Gundam displays and hiding within my cargo shorts pockets.

REGULAR BASEBALL HATS DON'T FIT MY HEAD, AND I ENJOY ANIME AND JAPANESE CULTURE AND STRUGGLING WITH WEIGHT IS A SERIOUS ISSUE, BUT I'M TRYING TO LOOK CLASSY.

Quarantine, the digital game, and don't do what Doug-Don't does.

"Man, I bet this quarantine will result in so many shitty podcasts and blogs coming out that it'll become the next pandemic".

Jokes on you, me from a few weeks ago, I had a shitty podcast and blog before this, so HA.

But almost entirely the joke's on me.


HEY. YOU STUCK AT HOME? BEING BORED? TRYING NOT TO VIRUS? Yeah, me too. LUCKILY!!! It's only been like a few years since I've last posted. HOWEVER. In that time, I ran a website too, and it went horribly. Not by any fault of my own. I was told I was being too negative in my posts by some shitasses that didn't know their ass from their face. I'm not negative. I'm a ray of fucking sunshine. 2REAL. But since that website is now gone, I have a few dozen posts (intelligently saved by me in this blog) that I can repost. SO DON'T WORRY KIDS, YOU'LL HAVE READING MATERIAL.

Looking back on my old posts, I literally post once a year. LIKE A DRUNKEN TEXT FROM YOUR EX I HAVE RETURNED. And I'm bringing critical truths that I plan to yell at you while crying. Just like Brian used to do. (Please insert your applicable Ex's name to make that joke work, thanks for the assist)

There I was kid, hiding in my house from the old Bat flu. I decided one rainy and fateful night to re-do my entire inventory. I'm not trying to brag, but the collection is in the 4 digits world. That's not even a weird flex, that's a desperate plea for help to contain this collecting addition. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING. Totally kidding, this life is great. Hah... I apparently own three versions of L.A. Noire. HOW FUN IS THAT. (OH! I'll have a post about collecting, it originated on the previously mentioned website ruined by previously mentioned shitasses. me? negative???)

So there I was thinking to myself "do I include my digital games?". But digital games can be removed at any time, the publisher can remove them, the parent company, the developers even. Hell, a copyright claim can have the game be removed. Even then, do you technically even own the game? Between free games, Games With Gold, and PSN games, how do you differentiate between "yours" and "yours but really theirs". Here's how I look at it.

1. Games I purchased with money or credits
2. Games I received from subscriptions or annual shit
3. Game Pass or PS Now games
4. Steam Sale bundles

What's technically mine? 

#1- At rough glance, I'd say #1 is a yes. And that I could add those to my inventory. Even though they could be taken away at any time, that's rare. I paid for them, and even though it's digital, some games are only available that way. 

(remind me to tell you the story about the guy who came into my Gamestop and demanded to get a physical copy of WoW. He said he didn't trust a download only game. Even though he's playing WoW. Good job kid. When you get home, don't be surprised when that disc just has some of the install files, but still requires a patch. You get nothing sir!)

#2- Sort of, but no. Even though technically I paid for a service for those, eeehhhhh. You might have a Netflix subscription, but you don't own the Tiger King (YOU HEAR ME CAROL FUCKING BASKINS). I feel like these are a flash in the pan style gaming. Sure you own them, but you didn't directly buy them. Like you didn't get an XBLA or PSN subscription specifically for that one shitty game they gave out. You got it to play COD or Destiny or... what do the kids play nowadays? Newgrounds Games. Yeah, that's why you have that subscription. Alien Hominids.

#3- This one is a hard no from me. Game Pass and PS Now both regularly remove games from their services, but like it's a known thing. And in all actuality, it's a solid move. Xbox said they were removing Just Cause 4 from Game Pass. I immediately panicked because I played it for 10 minutes and hadn't beaten the game yet. But sir, you can buy the game for 20% off before we remove it from Game Pass. DEAL! So I bought it for about $15 more than it cost before it went on Game Pass (insert capitalism joke here, or not). But even then, I didn't own the game until I bought it, I just was borrowing it from Game Pass.

#4- Steam sales? ABSOLUTELY NO. I own Torchlight on the PC like 5 times over, and don't even have a gaming PC. Steam just giving shit away. But also it's PC gaming, so I assume everyone has stolen everything. To hell with you PC Master Race. If you're using an XBox 360 controller to play your PC Steam games on the couch, you have a fancy console. Jokes on you jokers.

(Also, didn't care for the Joker movie. Absolutely no Damien Wayne, no Miles Morales, and no mention of Year Zero. I don't even understand comic movies anymore. How's that an origin story?? But for real, it was meh.)

Number 1 it is! Except.... there's no real physical existence of those games. Hypothetically if friends were over and wanted to see my game collection then.... well no that's stupid. Ok, hypothetically if I had friends and they came over and wanted to see my game collection, they'd review my lists and ask where my copy of Just Cause 4 for the Xbox One is. And I would explain to them that it's a digital only copy. They'd make a face like "cheap bastard can't even afford a physical copy" and I'd tell them to fuck off and get out of my house. I NEVER NEEDED YOU GUYS ANYWAY.

Damn hypothetical friends. Ruining my good mood. (can you believe it, a website shut down over negativity, my negativity? shitasses....).

I think for now, I'll leave my digital copies separate. Besides, when the networks finally go down, it's not like I'll be able to play those digital game anyway. Unless they're already downloaded onto my hard drive. So do I do backup hard drives filled with my digital games? No of course not, that's ridiculous. Much smarter to just buy the physical versions of all my digital games and avoid the whole thing altogether.

All kidding aside, at least I'm not one of those losers who buys cases for their digital games. YOU'RE SITTING ON A THRONE OF LIES BRIAN.